We woke this morning to a damp and dreary world, the kind of morning that instinctively makes you turn on the tea kettle and keep it warm all day. While I sit here and try to wipe the grog from my eyes, Harrison has grabbed Brendan by his index finger. "Room!" he demands and drags his father off down the hallway. They will be gone for perhaps 1/2 hour or more, and I have time to sit here, with a freshly brewed cup of tea, and try to imagine what our lives will soon be like.
In some ways it feels like our days as this family are numbered. Adding a child changes the dynamic of the family unit so markedly that I find myself savoring these last days and months together; at the same time I look forward to our future daughter and all of the joys, trials, and changes her arrival will bring. I honestly don't know how many more quiet, rainy mornings I will be able to spend at the computer, or just looking out the window, or reading from a favorite book. It's not a sad realization, or even a melancholy one...but today I sit here and savor the sound of Harry and Brendan playing together down the hall while I enjoy the luxury of a moment's solitude.
I think I am going to miss the moments on weekday afternoons when Harrison finally succumbs to sleep, the house falls quiet, and the dogs begin to snore. I doubt very much that my children will nap at the same time...we're just not that organized as a household. I will miss sleeping in on weekend mornings, listening to the birds outside or the rain tapping on the skylight, and hearing Harry's steady breathing on the monitor. I will miss my slightly less babyproofed house...Harrison has stopped sucking and drooling on everything in sight so some of my favorite things have crept back into our living spaces...soon they will have to be packed away again. I will miss being able to take a shower, knowing that I can trust Harry not to get hurt or get into much of anything for my eight to ten minutes of morning routine. Today I am taking a moment to think of the things I will miss so that I can enjoy them all the more while I can. I remember what the first months were like when Harry arrived, and I know that we're in for some major upheaval. It's ok, though. As a maker of lists, if I write down the things I will miss then I can let them go...to be picked up at a later date when our lives have reorganized themselves into a new normalcy.
I look forward to having my arms full of baby; I cannot wait for those precious, peaceful moments of early morning and late evening bottles when the rest of the world ceases to exist and all that is left is me and the baby staring into my eyes. Or the moments when a baby falls asleep on you, the weight of their sleep making your arms ache but you can't bear to set them down because then your arms would miss them. Or the smell of their hair, and the way little soft tufts of it tickle your nose when you inhale. I look forward to taking two children on outings to the park and watching them delight in the ducks, fish, and ponds. I look forward to seeing the nightlight lit in her room, it's faint glow outlining the curve of her cheek as she sleeps. I look forward to watching Harry become a big brother...he loves babies and has always been fascinated by other children so I look forward to his reaction to her (good or bad).
Pretty soon we're going to be a family of four. Holy cow. It's really happening! I'll will of course post pictures as soon as we have them, but so far they have not arrived.
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