UPDATE!!!!!

March 3rd:

May 4th (The day after his first birthday):

Oh my goodness, I don’t know where to begin.  We knew that four families from our agency were getting updates and two families got theirs yesterday so I assumed we were out of luck.  I ran to the mailbox today, with the tiniest shred of hope in my heart.  Three business size envelopes lay inside and as I flipped through them I could not believe that one had our agency’s logo!  Tears in my eyes, I ran into the house, found Brendan, and we opened it up to find our little guy’s photos and updates inside.  Hooray!!!!  Our friends, Steph and Jay, also got updated pics of their Sophie (so, so beautiful, that one).  There is much happiness here tonight!
A few notes from our update:

• walks 1-2 steps without help
• says umma, appa, and no
• likes to look at books
• scribbles with a pen
• can drink from a cup
• follows simple errands
• is a good dancer and singer
• a busy, active baby
• is shy of strangers
• has four teeth on top and four on the bottom
• he likes his bath
• he is one year old and weighs 17.4 lbs; he is 28 inches tall

What a peanut! 

Eye Contact

“…a most useless place.  The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.  Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or  waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow.  Everyone is just waiting…

…Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying.  You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.  With banner flip-flapping once more you’ll ride high!  Ready for anything under the sky!”                                                  -Dr. Seuss, from oh, the places you’ll go!

We’re one month into this Very Long Wait that might be ten months or twelve, or more if we are very unlucky, or less if the hands of fate are kind.  This is a familiar place; we’ve been here before but it all looks different now, like going home for the first time after being away at university and finding your hometown smaller and changed.  We know how to get through this, but knowledge of the road does not equal ease of passage.  Already I feel myself toeing the line of avoidance, trying not to think about him constantly while at the same time I can think of nothing else. 

Who are you, baby Joon?

With our previous adoptions I have found solace in action.  Keeping my hands busy keeps my heart from breaking and this third time is no different: sewing, knitting, painting, upholstery, and other projects are all underway at once and every corner I look to holds some sort of busy work waiting for me.  My quieter hours are filled with books…not the adoption books about attachment and bonding or memoirs of adoptees and adoptive parents that I was devouring at the beginning of the year, but stories that take me away for an hour or two, to someplace far away where lives are filled with other sorts of complications, not the waiting for a child sort.  I have them stashed all over the house and in the car, too.  Keep busy, keep busy, keep busy.  Just don’t think too much.

Have you learned to crawl yet, Joon-ah?

Harrison and Emma make the wait easier, except when they don’t.  When they ask about him or wonder when he is coming, or decry in outright frustration: “Mama, I just wish I knew exactly when he was coming home so I could get myself ready!” (Emma) or “If he doesn’t hurry up he’ll be bigger than me by the time he gets here!” (Harry), at these times my heart lurches because the waiting is hard for them, too.   While I love that they are old enough to understand this process, which in turn helps them understand how they each came to join our family, I struggle with having to witness their sadness and longing.  Waiting for someone as exciting as a new sibling, one who is already born and growing on the other side of the world, is tough.  Impatience gets the best of them, and me, at times.

Do your eyes crinkle when you laugh?  Do you squeal with delight?

I am so impatient to meet our new little guy, not only because I want to get started on all of those important attachment/bonding moments, but also because if there is one thing I know about adoption it is this:  You cannot bond with a baby in a photograph.  You can find him cute, adorable.  You can think to yourself: Yes, this is my child!  You can stare for hours at his chin and his hair and his tiny little fingers, and you can read his social history until you’ve memorized every word, but you cannot get to know that child, the person that child actually is in real life, until you make eye contact.  You cannot know his voice, his temperament, or the softness of his skin until he is in the same room, breathing the same air.  With half a world between Joon and us, my curiosity is killing me.  A million questions linger in the air and the answers can only come some far off day, early next year and most likely not sooner.  The other thing I know about adoption is this: it is entirely possible to miss, with complete heartache, a person you have never met and know next to nothing about.

It is nearly dawn in Korea.  Sleep on, little Joon.  We’re here, waiting for you.

Oh this Waiting Place is a tough place, but with one month down and perhaps (roughly estimating here) nine months to go, we do know how to get through it.  One foot in front of the other, one project following the next, crossing days and weeks and months off the calendar. 

And enjoying life in the meantime, of course, because there is so very much to enjoy, already. 

____________

I’m playing along with Madhouse this week, another way to keep busy!  See the others who are playing along:

Allison – Allimonster Speaks
Barb – Spencer Hill Spinning & Dyeing
Batty – Batty’s Adventures in Spooky Knitting
Dave – Notes from the Field
Eileen - Art Deco Diva Knits
Evil Twin’s Wife – The Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau
G – Not-A-Box
Haley - Aimless Tangents
Jennifer – Ask Poops, Please
JMLC – Daydreams and Ruminations
Kate – One More Thing
LC – LC in Sunny So Cal
LeeAnne - This is the life...
Lisa - As If You Care
Louise – Child of Grace
Marcy – Mittentime
Melanie – usually, things happen
Nikki – Land of the Free, Home of the Depressed
Peri - knitandnatter
Sara – yoyu mama

Desmond!

He is gorgeous!   We have been studying his tiny fingers and toes, admiring his hairline (so similar to Harrison’s at the same age), and trying to imagine how soft those sweet cheeks are.  Our revised timeline gives us hope for a December or January arrival, sooner if things speed up, slower if they become more backed up.  We will wait with all of the patience we have in our souls for this little one and we will be overjoyed whenever he makes his arrival in our lives.  Until then, we know that he is in very good hands (his foster mother has been taking care of babies since 1980!), being loved and spoiled and delighted in on the other side of the world.  There is an amazing peace in my soul with this knowledge, a well-being that sits in my heart while at the same time my head plays with dates and timelines and what-ifs.  Oh, the Wait…the hardest part, but the part that teaches us so much about ourselves.

In this first picture he is probably 2 months old.

At five months old (above and below).

Sitting with his Foster Mom, whom I have cropped out for her privacy.
So many people have told me they couldn’t do it…they couldn’t wait ten more months for the arrival of a baby that is already ten months old.  And maybe they couldn’t, but I know that we can.  I know that all of us are stronger than we know, more patient than we seem, more able to endure hardships and challenges than we think we are.  I know that all babies come when they are good and ready or when all of the proper stars or paperwork or contractions come together at the right time. 
We know that all children, however they make it home, are well worth the wait.  But I would certainly not complain if he somehow made his way home this summer!

Joon Song

In the hall closet, on top of a suitcase and behind my black pea coat, I found the bag I was looking for.  It is just a plain white garbage bag, a little tattered and torn in spots, something I packed a long time ago for a friend but never actually got around to delivering.  I dragged it out of the closet and brought it to the couch, reached inside, and found them: the softest, most well-worn and beloved pair of tiny overalls.  They were the first thing I bought when we were waiting for Harrison to come home from Korea; I found them at a yard sale for a dollar, perfect and soft and just the right size.  They looked brand-new back then; now they have worn little knees from the crawling babies that Harrison and Emma once were and the straps are beginning to fray just slightly.  They hold so many memories for me: crawling, first steps, little adventures around our old yard, and even the earliest memories of when they hung on a hanger in an otherwise empty closet, a symbol not just of hope but of promise.  We would be parents.
And next fall, they will crawl (or walk?) again!
In what can only be described as a whirlwind, we decided for sure to adopt again 12 days ago.  We called and asked for an application packet 11 days ago.  We got the packet 9 days ago.  We emailed with our social worker 8 days ago, who came and updated our home study 6 days ago.  We filled out mad amounts of paperwork and made endless photocopies and finally sent it all off with a kiss from big sister Emma 4 days ago.  It arrived at our agency 3 days ago, and we were called that very night with the news that we had been matched with a gorgeous baby boy in Korea. 
I haven’t seen his picture, I know only a little more than his name, but my heart knows that he is beautiful.  I know that he is perfect, the perfect fit for our family.  I know we’ll have growing pains and fits and starts until finally our lives are intertwined, woven into a new and different fabric that will be ever the more richer for having known each other. 
Those soft, tiny pants are getting washed today and hung in the closet that our Joon Song will share with his big brother Harrison and once again they will be my token not only of hope, but of promise.  We are all so very excited!
A few details:

• Korean Name:  Joon Song  (Joon means “superb”)
• American name:  we’ve got it narrowed down to three options, but need to see his pictures before making the final call.  Once we know we’ll share!
• Born May 2010
• Will come home in the fall…October, perhaps?
• We had been thinking of adopting again for a LONG time before making this decision.  Options were weighed, lots of programs were looked at, lots of research went into it.  We are not rash people, at all.  In the end, we followed our hearts while making sure the logistics would all work out.
• Yes, we will gladly accept hand-me-downs!  He will be roughly 18 mos. at arrival.
• We pick up our referral packet on Monday the 14th…pictures after that!

VIP (very important papers)

At our house, this is what “baby-making” looks like. 
More details soon!

Heavy Hearts

“Mrs. Sullivan, are you sitting down?”

This was how she started the phone call, the cadence of her words forever seared into my memory.  I rushed for a pencil and paper and she began to tell me about the little boy who would be my son. 

“He has apple cheeks, just like you.” she said. 

And just like that we were no longer two, but three.  We were a family.  Our son was on the other side of the world but now he was real, no longer an idea, or a hope or dream, but a real baby with apple cheeks waiting for us in Korea.  It was bliss, a moment of the purest sort of joy.

I don’t know what it is like when you conceive a child, whether you remember the person who gave you your first ultrasound, whether their face and their words are forever etched in your memory.  I don’t know if you remember the person who holds your baby up in the delivery room and shows him to you for the first time.  I do know that when you adopt you remember those words, the tone of voice, where you were and what you were doing and who gave you the news. 

“I have the most beautiful baby boy in the world for you.”

Cecelia K. Park, director of  Love the Children adoption agency, was the woman who made us parents on that chilly evening when we were on our way out the  door, when we almost didn’t stop to go back and answer the phone.  She was the woman whose phone call less than two years later started in the same way, “Mrs. Sullivan, are you sitting down?” when she called to tell us about our daughter.  I will never forget her words or the way her voice smiled, as if she had the very best secret in the world and she was about to share it with us.  I will never forget her kindness when she met our children later on, or the way she held them as if they were her own grandbabies.  I will never forget the phone call she had us make to her when our babies were newly arrived, during which she took the time to teach us how to tell them I love you and You’re a beautiful baby, and how she told them not to be scared because we were their new omma and appah.  I will never forget how she made each of us feel that we were getting the best kid in the world;  she knew that we were because she knew and believed that each baby placed was special and perfect.  She knew, too, that we were lucky, lucky parents and we are, all of us.

Ms. Park died in her sleep last night, a profound loss for all of the families she created, all of the people she touched with her kindness and her smiling voice.  The news weighs heavily on our hearts and we cannot quite imagine a world without Cecelia’s presence in it.  We will surely miss her beautiful soul.

Cecelia, he really is the most beautiful boy in the world, and she is the most beautiful girl.  Thank you for letting me be their mom.  We will never forget you.

Love, from the other side of the world

Emma had a surprise in the mail this week!  A package arrived from her foster family in South Korea, including a small purse, barrettes and hair ties, a Hello Kitty ring (some things are so universal, aren’t they?) and the very very cute jumper she is wearing in these photos!  There was a also a book with a cd-rom and she really enjoyed listening to the story told in Korean, even if we did have to make up what we thought the story was really about. 
Thank you, Mrs. Koo and family, for your continued love and support of our very favorite girl.  She loves you so much and asks about you all of the time.  

Mobile

When mom and I went to Korea to bring Emma home we had the opportunity to rock the babies at the intake hospital at Eastern.  The baby boy that we rocked the most was a bit older than the other babies because he bad been quite ill when he was first born, and as such had been held and loved by the nannies for months instead of the typical days or weeks.  Most of the other babies in the room were days old, tiny and sweet, but this boy was plump and cute and better able to demand out attention.  We took turns rocking him until we needed to put ourselves to bed, and then he was placed back into his bassinet.  Hanging over his tiny little bed was a mobile, light and delicate and perfect.  It was so simple, just yellow origami paper folded into cranes and strung on thread, but I never forgot it, nor the baby whose early life was spent sleeping beneath it.  I still wonder where he is.

On Saturday I had a Mommy Date with Emma and we wanted to find something to keep us busy during these looooong rainy days.  We were looking for lino block printing supplies, but instead we came home with origami paper.  We made our own crane mobile:



Ours is certainly not as dainty or refined as the one in Korea, but I love its color.  What you cannot tell from the picture is that it is constantly in motion...it softly twirls and sways on the slightest of breezes.  The top of the mobile is a branch from our maple tree.

You can see another crane mobile here (scroll down to see photos).

A Food Post: Cooking With Maangchi

While food is only one aspect of a culture, I think food especially embodies the character and soul of the people, those who have brought recipes down through generations or mixed their own new flavors with old standards in the creation of something new.  The food we eat sustains and grows our families; a carefully prepared meal can express our love for someone, celebrate the birth of a child, or rejoice in the union of families in marriage.  The foods we prepare can reflect our society's bounty, or delineate the space between prosperity and poverty.  Food is symbolic and meaningful; what we eat tells the story of our lives, simply.

When we knew we were going to adopt from South Korea, one of the first things I wanted to do was try Korean food.  I had never had it before, and while eating the food specific to a country is not an education in its culture, values, or mores, it was at least a starting point, a place from which to jump into our greater education of Korea.  Three plus years down the line from that jump I can safely say this: If the only requirement for moving to a country was a profound love for its food, I would be able to move to South Korea (among others) in a heartbeat.  The unique flavor combinations, the spicy hot kimchi, and the pride taken in the presentation of the food itself felt both new and like home at the same time for me.

Even if I didn't love Korean food I would want my children to grow up knowing (and hopefully loving) the smells, textures, tastes, and sights of the food of their country and culture of birth, but living in Upstate NY we have very limited access to Korean restaurants.  So we did the next best thing: we bought Korean cookbooks, researched recipes online, and began a culinary adventure in our very own kitchen.  We have churned out some great meals by flipping to a page and following a recipe, but we're never quite sure if we obtained the proper texture or presentation of a dish.  That all changed when I stumbled upon this website: Cooking Korean Food With Maangchi.  Maangchi is my new hero for taking the time to make online videos showing how to cook Korean food.  It's like beaming up a culinary teacher whenever I want to make a new dish.  I get to see what the ingredients look like, how the vegetables should be cut, what consistency the marinade should have, what substitutions will work, and how the finished dish should be arranged for the table.  And her recipes are great, too!

My very favorite Korean dish, bulgogi (fire meat) is easy to make and is so scrumptious it's like eating candy...whenever we make it we fight over the leftovers, and the kids wolf it down as if they haven't eaten for months.  The same marinade is awesome on chicken, too.

A dish my mom and I had in Insadong that was terrific was bulgogi jungol (fire meat hot pot or stew).  It is a great way to get your vegetables in, as they soak up the amazing flavor of the beef marinade and are hard to resist.

I also love bibimbap (mixed rice with vegetables), which takes a while to prepare but is well worth all of the effort.

While we haven't tried all of her recipes yet, we are happily working our way through them.  I am so excited to have a visual resource to go along with our cookbooks.  Really, go check out her site.  The videos are fun to watch and the ingredients section in the left sidebar is especially helpful for those of us who are clueless as to what certain pastes, noodles, or spices look like.  Cooking your own Korean food has never been so easy!  Of course, it helps if you have a laptop that you can perch on your kitchen counter as you cook.

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I also recommend the books eating Korean (Cecilia Hae-Jin Lee) and Dok Suni (Jenny Kwak), both available on Amazon.com.  We especially like the gamja-buchim (potato patties and dipping sauce) in Dok Suni, and the d'ak-dori-tang (stewed chicken with potatoes) is excellent as well.  In eating Korean the recipe for yuja cha (citron tea) is as close as I have come to recreating what I had with my lunch in Insadong (my mouth waters just thinking about it), and the recipe for mandu (dumplings) is great.  Happy cooking and, more importantly, happy eating!

Presents from Korea

Emma received Christmas presents from her foster family a couple of weeks ago.  The headband with curly pigtails is adorable, and she knew just what to do with her new purse: hang it off her arm and parade through the house.  She has been carrying it everywhere, but lest you think she is becoming too much of a girly girl, she usually has her handbag filled with matchbox cars, tow trucks, and her steamroller. 

Say hay boke-mahn he pah du say oh

Happy Lunar New Year! 
February 7, 2008 on the solar calendar (the one we westerners use) marks the first day of the Lunar New Year, called Sol-Nal in Korea, and specifically, the Year Of The Rat.  Sol- Nal traditions in Korea are focused around paying respects to the elders and ancestors of the family.  I have read that Seoul becomes a ghost town during the festivities, as thousands of people pour out of it and other large cities in order to make the journey to their family's roots in the countryside. 
The biggest holiday in Korea, the Lunar New Year is rung in with large family gatherings (married couples travel to the home of the husband's family), a thorough cleaning of one's home in order to rid it of any evil that lingers from the previous year, huge feast-like meals featuring dduk-gook (a soup made with oval rice cakes), and several traditional games.  Kite flying is also traditional on the Lunar New Year, with older family members tying blades to the kite in order to attempt to cut the kite strings of their opponents. 
As part of the celebration, families dress in their formal wear, known as hankbok.   I dressed the kids in their hanbok yesterday for pictures so I could post them tonight, on New Year's Eve. 

Harry attempts to tie his pouch around his head, while Emma practices her "so big" arm movements.

Their hanbok were gifts from each of their foster mothers in Korea.  Harry's is getting to be too small, and we'll probably have to order him a new one before next year. 

A real smile, instead of the usual pirate variety.

Wearing her more modern headpiece.
Harry is really interested in learning about Korea these days, and it has been fun to look things up for him to answer his questions, which are surprisingly astute for one so young.  We're incorporating some of the Korean traditions for the Lunar New Year into our week, and I started with a thorough house cleaning.  It seemed like a good idea, since it hadn't been done in, well, I don't want to admit that to you.  If the weather stops being so crummy tomorrow we will venture out with our kite and test the winds, and tomorrow's dinner will involve bulgogi and kimchi if I can get it.  We already had our dduk-gook, or at least a version of it I found in a cook book.  It was tasty and both kids gobbled it up.  I can't wait to do more cooking tomorrow!
Many blessings to your family in the new year!

Accidental Omission

In Early August a regular trip to the mailbox revealed a package from our adoption agency.  Tucked carefully inside were gifts for Emma from her foster family and a letter for us, love arriving via USPS from the other side of the world.  August was a busy month for us, with family vacations and plans for Harry's surgery, and somehow I forgot to post about the gifts here.  I also forgot to send a thank you note...well, I didn't really forget, but in my effort to find the perfect things to send to her foster family I kept putting off the mailing of a package, pictures, and letter, until suddenly it was late November and our adoption agency called to remind me.   I am ashamed that I took so long to acknowledge a gift that was so very appreciated.  I know her foster family sometimes checks in here, so I am going to post a few pictures of Emma wearing her backpack and barrette.  We keep the fan on the dresser in her room where she can play with it, and she enjoys waving it around.
Thank, Mrs. Koo, for keeping in touch with us, for taking the time to send a package for Emma, and for being patient as we fumble through our thanks.  A package is coming your way very, very soon.
 

A few more pictures just to show you how much she has grown:
 

Baby "Fella" Has Landed

Our friends, Robyn and Doug, are officially parents!  Their beautiful daughter, Ella, arrived last night at Albany International airport, and we were honored to be invited to observe as they became a family of three.  Congratulations to the new family!  Harry calls her Baby Fella, and can't seem to grasp the idea that there is no F on the beginning of her name.  Luckily, Robyn and Doug don't seem to mind his mispronunciation.
Watching as they were handed their daughter for the very first time I could not help but think of the first time I saw each of our children, and then the solid, real feeling of them in my arms.  I know that Robyn, Doug, and Ella are in for a few very long days and nights, but I want to wish them every happiness that family has to offer, and a lifetime of love and adventure together. 
Robyn and Doug - These first few days are precarious, but it gets easier and easier with each passing day.  Take heart, get some sleep, drink lots of coffee, and don't forget to eat.  And congratulations!

Emma's Tol

Pre-cake, with mom and Great Grandma Ann.

In the beautiful hanbok her Foster Mother gave her. 

Choosing her fortune.  Emma chose a bowl of rice first, meaning she will be rich.  She chose the knife second, meaning she will be a good cook.  Thirdly she chose the pencil, meaning she will be scholarly.  We think her future looks very bright!

Blowing out her birthday candles.  It's always a little scary to present your one year old with fire, but she just stared at it and let us blow the candles out for her. 
We had a really good time visiting with family and friends old and new.  We did not take any pictures (except for one of the cake-eating, but it has yet to be downloaded) so we would love copies of yours if you took any.  Thank you to all who joined us in celebrating Em's first birthday!

Slices of Summer

Harry and Emma make each other laugh, whether they're in the bathtub, daydreaming beneath the kitchen table, or playing peek-a-boo around the couch pillows (which I know are totally ugly...I am in search of cool fabric to slipcover them with).  After only knowing each other for three months, they are already great pals, incredibly tuned in to one another's moods and ever watchful of each other's whereabouts. 

At Camp Mu Ji Gae, a Korean culture camp, Emma greets her new friend, CJ.  We enjoyed watching the drummers (below) and the bulgogi was fantastic.

Harry played soccer with a bunch of other kids...no pictures because they were running around too much.  He was by years the youngest in the group, but each and every other player took the time to make him feel included and welcome.  We all enjoyed Family Day at camp, and next year I think we will sign the kids up for the workshops.


My hydrangeas are in bloom and they are spectacular this year.  I took a chance two years ago at the Farmer's Market and bought a stick that was devoid of leaves for $1.50, with the promise that it would grow into a hydrangea bush.  The gentleman selling the sticks was not fibbing, and the stick from two years ago has grown into a six foot high, five foot wide bush with more than 50 blossoms.  These pictures were from my first bouquet of the season, and I am now on my third set of bouquets.  The blossoms just keep coming!

Last week Brendan was on vacation.  We stayed home and did a few things around the house, but one night we had an evening out, just the two of us.  We ate dinner at the new Mexican restaurant two towns over, which was absolutely divine and made extra-special by the man serenading us with song and guitar.  After dinner we headed up to the Lake and were treated to a lovely sunset while we watched the steam boats come in.  We sometimes forget that we live in such a lovely area, that mere minutes from our doorstep we have beautiful mountains, rivers, lakes, and valleys to enjoy.  After our evening out, we vowed to get out more and enjoy rich scenery that this area has to offer.  The following photos are of our date night: