I was about to post all about the horrific coffee date I had yesterday, in full detail with arrows and exclamation points to further express my point, but sometimes the delete button is my best friend. What purpose would it serve to write it all out? Would it help anyone if I spoke poorly of another mother's parenting choices? No. The more important things to remember are those I learned from yesterday's outing:
1. Trust your gut. If someone seems like a Big Sigh when I pass them in the hall three times a week, their drama like a cloud around their shoulders, they are probably not someone I am going to want to hang out with. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is a worthwhile application of my optimism in most circumstances, but that sinking feeling in my gut should also be listened to. Yesterday's ugly scene could have been avoided if only I had trusted my gut about this particular person.
2. Stick to anonymous places when having a first, and dubious, coffee date. It's not about saving face, it's about respecting the people and business you have come to know and love, and understanding that they don't need that sort of customer.
3. Memorize the phrase "I'll have to go home and check my calendar".
4. When things get ugly, I do have the right to leave or suggest that the other party leave.
5. We all have ugly parenting moments. We all have moments, perhaps even days, that we would like to rewrite. If only we could go back and hand oursleves the edited script for that moment in time, so that we could be more patient, more in the moment, less grumpy and lousy. If only we could go back and recognize that giving in to the child's polite request for a cannoli would not break any profound law of the universe, but perhaps it might buy us an hour's peace, an enjoyable cup of coffee, the respect of someone who has taken a chance on you. I think the other mom would take yesterday back if she could, at least I hope she would. I hope she would take back the yelling, the screaming, the bullying, the setting of her three year old on the stoop of a business located 15 feet from a busy street by herself, to wait until said mother had finished her cup of coffee. If I could take yesterday back, rewrite the script and hand it to myself, I would not have gone to coffee at all. Of if I had gone I would have spent less time trying to disarm the awkwardness of the situation and asked the mom if she needed help...with parenting, with her kids, with anything at all. Because looking back at yesterday I see a woman floundering, grasping, clinging with her fingernails to an edge of what she saw as control but what the rest of the world perceived to be chaos and mean-spiritedness.
6. Children can be unruly, rude, bratty, and out of control, but they are still kids and more often than not it is our reaction to their actions that sets the tone for our relationship in any given moment or even a lifetime. React wisely.
7. I have the best kids in the world and I am a good enough mom.
8. Above all else, be kind.
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