We were playing outside a few days ago, the weather having turned so very nice that we just could not continue with indoor projects for another minute and had spent the day, instead, running around in the backyard sunshine. After stepping inside briefly to gather refreshments for the children, I tried to close the back door behind me on my way back out and found that it would not close. Like every person who finds a door stuck, I tried again and again to close it, looking all around the opening to see if there was something blocking its progress, but nothing could be seen from outside. When I poked my head in a perplexing sight met my eyes: the bottom had, quite literally, fallen out of the door.
The door I speak of is a metal, insulated exterior door, relatively new compared to the rest of the house. Such doors have wooden spacers at the top, bottom, and sides to hold the insulation in and give the door framework upon which to place the metal. It was the bottom piece of wood that we found on the floor. Why had it fallen out? Ah, funny you should ask! It fell out because the duct tape that was holding it up inside of the door finally gave out. We didn't even know the duct tape was there because the previous owners had painted it to match the door. So many things in this house are just this way: a cob job to hold things together just long enough. It is frustrating, but we knew when we bought the house that there would likely be many offenses of this nature. As Brendan so aptly put it, "I don't like it when the house chooses the projects for me".
Truthfully, we knew the back door was messed up or at least improperly installed, because there was a giant gust of air spewing from it each cold winter night. It was, most definitely, "on the list". This week it got moved up a few notches in priority. You cannot simply go buy a new door and install it the same day, or at least we cannot, so for the time being we have used our stash of packing tape to shore up the bottom which looks pretty terrible. And embarrassing. But we are learning that this old house ownership is a process, that things do not get done in one week, one month, or one year. We are learning to pace ourselves and that is a valuable lesson learned.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Life Lessons, Coffee Version
I was about to post all about the horrific coffee date I had yesterday, in full detail with arrows and exclamation points to further express my point, but sometimes the delete button is my best friend. What purpose would it serve to write it all out? Would it help anyone if I spoke poorly of another mother's parenting choices? No. The more important things to remember are those I learned from yesterday's outing:
1. Trust your gut. If someone seems like a Big Sigh when I pass them in the hall three times a week, their drama like a cloud around their shoulders, they are probably not someone I am going to want to hang out with. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is a worthwhile application of my optimism in most circumstances, but that sinking feeling in my gut should also be listened to. Yesterday's ugly scene could have been avoided if only I had trusted my gut about this particular person.
2. Stick to anonymous places when having a first, and dubious, coffee date. It's not about saving face, it's about respecting the people and business you have come to know and love, and understanding that they don't need that sort of customer.
3. Memorize the phrase "I'll have to go home and check my calendar".
4. When things get ugly, I do have the right to leave or suggest that the other party leave.
5. We all have ugly parenting moments. We all have moments, perhaps even days, that we would like to rewrite. If only we could go back and hand oursleves the edited script for that moment in time, so that we could be more patient, more in the moment, less grumpy and lousy. If only we could go back and recognize that giving in to the child's polite request for a cannoli would not break any profound law of the universe, but perhaps it might buy us an hour's peace, an enjoyable cup of coffee, the respect of someone who has taken a chance on you. I think the other mom would take yesterday back if she could, at least I hope she would. I hope she would take back the yelling, the screaming, the bullying, the setting of her three year old on the stoop of a business located 15 feet from a busy street by herself, to wait until said mother had finished her cup of coffee. If I could take yesterday back, rewrite the script and hand it to myself, I would not have gone to coffee at all. Of if I had gone I would have spent less time trying to disarm the awkwardness of the situation and asked the mom if she needed help...with parenting, with her kids, with anything at all. Because looking back at yesterday I see a woman floundering, grasping, clinging with her fingernails to an edge of what she saw as control but what the rest of the world perceived to be chaos and mean-spiritedness.
6. Children can be unruly, rude, bratty, and out of control, but they are still kids and more often than not it is our reaction to their actions that sets the tone for our relationship in any given moment or even a lifetime. React wisely.
7. I have the best kids in the world and I am a good enough mom.
8. Above all else, be kind.
1. Trust your gut. If someone seems like a Big Sigh when I pass them in the hall three times a week, their drama like a cloud around their shoulders, they are probably not someone I am going to want to hang out with. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is a worthwhile application of my optimism in most circumstances, but that sinking feeling in my gut should also be listened to. Yesterday's ugly scene could have been avoided if only I had trusted my gut about this particular person.
2. Stick to anonymous places when having a first, and dubious, coffee date. It's not about saving face, it's about respecting the people and business you have come to know and love, and understanding that they don't need that sort of customer.
3. Memorize the phrase "I'll have to go home and check my calendar".
4. When things get ugly, I do have the right to leave or suggest that the other party leave.
5. We all have ugly parenting moments. We all have moments, perhaps even days, that we would like to rewrite. If only we could go back and hand oursleves the edited script for that moment in time, so that we could be more patient, more in the moment, less grumpy and lousy. If only we could go back and recognize that giving in to the child's polite request for a cannoli would not break any profound law of the universe, but perhaps it might buy us an hour's peace, an enjoyable cup of coffee, the respect of someone who has taken a chance on you. I think the other mom would take yesterday back if she could, at least I hope she would. I hope she would take back the yelling, the screaming, the bullying, the setting of her three year old on the stoop of a business located 15 feet from a busy street by herself, to wait until said mother had finished her cup of coffee. If I could take yesterday back, rewrite the script and hand it to myself, I would not have gone to coffee at all. Of if I had gone I would have spent less time trying to disarm the awkwardness of the situation and asked the mom if she needed help...with parenting, with her kids, with anything at all. Because looking back at yesterday I see a woman floundering, grasping, clinging with her fingernails to an edge of what she saw as control but what the rest of the world perceived to be chaos and mean-spiritedness.
6. Children can be unruly, rude, bratty, and out of control, but they are still kids and more often than not it is our reaction to their actions that sets the tone for our relationship in any given moment or even a lifetime. React wisely.
7. I have the best kids in the world and I am a good enough mom.
8. Above all else, be kind.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)