Beep beep.

Harrison was sick all day yesterday with feverish chills, and woke up today with another low fever. Thankfully, during his morning nap, the fever broke and he was well on his way to feeling better this afternoon. Oh my goodness, how I hate fevers! I know they can spike with little warning to numbers that I don't ever want to see on the thermometer, and I know that a high fever can cause seizures. I have been a ball of nerves for the past two days, watching Harrison like a hawk and feeling his forehead so often that he now shakes his head "no" at me when my hand approaches. I have not physically left the house in 48 hours. But he's ok, and tomorrow will be better.

Above are pictures from last week that I finally uploaded today. Harrison loves that little toy car and spends quite a bit of time pushing it around and around the house. The seat lifts up to reveal a little compartment in which to stow things, and we hide toys in there for him sometimes. Lately he has been itching to get outside...he stares with longing as Riley and Charlotte romp and play in the sloppy wet snow, and sometimes he pounds on the glass door and whines while looking outside. He wants to get out and play now that he can walk and run. We're already thinking of where to put up a swing and a play area for him, once spring arrives. I have a feeling this summer will be our best yet...watching him explore more of the world will be magical. I truly cannot wait for the weather to clear so we can plant flowers and build a sandbox!

Fever

We're back from Rochester, and we've checked off our final task for eligibility! We made great time driving to and from Rochester and the weather was, indeed, perfect. Harrison did not sleep much in the car, but played and talked and ate many, many Cheerios. The meeting was pretty much what we expected, except when we went to ours last year the babies present were much younger and held still for the most part. Harrison, Leia, and Lea were quite mobile and kept all six parents on their toes. We spent the (almost) two hours chasing our children around our social worker's home, and answering the newbies' questions as we ran to and fro.

Last night Harrison came down with a bug...he has a fever, chills, and digestive issues that shall remain nameless. I have come to realize a new fear of parenthood: fevers. How scary they are! Poor Harry was shaking and chattering his teeth, yet we had to strip him down and apply wet compresses to his boiling little body so he'd cool down. I knew what to do (all those first aid classes and my stint as a daycare worker finally paid off) but it felt like I was torturing him. After a dose of ibuprofen, some water, and much attentive care Harrison was cooled down and became very sleepy. We snuggled him into his crib, and I spent most of the night in the spare room, listening for any sign of distress from Harry. Today he's doing a little better, although he still has a slight fever. We're both tired, and now that Harrison is napping I'm off to shut my eyes for a little while, too.

Getting closer every day

We Sullivans Three are off to Rochester this weekend for our third, and hopefully final, post placement visit with our social worker for Harrison's adoption. Yay! Although it will be a long drive with a more than likely grumpy child (he's not into being contained in any manner these days), I do love a roadtrip! I like packing CDs and snacks, getting out our road maps and travel mugs, making lists of things to bring and packing a notepad for any lists I might want to make in transit. I love having hours of time with nothing else to do but talk to Brendan (and now Harrison, too). We will do the whole trip in one day...the weather looks perfect for driving: sunny and a mild 47 degrees. Rochester is a little over four hours from here, so it will be a long day, but by sunset tomorrow we will have fulfilled all of our requirements for eligibility to adopt Harrison. The meeting with our SW will be at her home during one of her meetings with prospective adoptive parents (people just starting the process or home study). When we went to our meeting last year seeing the children with their parents was what made the adoption, the paperwork, etc. seem REAL. How fun that we can now return the favor and provide that essential hope to other couples. It feels like we're coming full circle.

We're also getting closer every day...soon Harrison will officially and legally be our son! We love him as our son and think of him as our son, but until the papers are in our hands stating it is true we will have a shadow following us. When you've gone through life and infertility you know that nothing is guaranteed...so many things we take for granted just...aren't. So we have Harrison, but there is always a shadow of fear that we will lose him, that he'll be taken away for some reason or another. We guard our hearts a little more closely, and we cherish everyday things a little more because in the back of our minds we don't know how long it will last. I have every faith that this adoption will be finalized, that Harrison will grow up in our loving arms to be a happy, well adjusted, respectful, and good man...I just really, really, really want the piece of paper that makes it official, so I can let my heart relax a little.

Please send good weather and driving vibes our way, that we may travel safely there and back!

Chut-tol

In Korea, the first birthday (tol=birthday, chut-tol=first birthday) is the most celebrated day in a young child's life. The hugeness of the celebration stems from the fact that in its not-so-distant history, babies in Korea often did not live to see their first birthday. Infant mortality rates were very high due to poor diet, lack of medicine, etc. While times have changed in South Korea (in fact, their medical standards are now on par with the US), the child's first birthday is still a large celebration. You can read more about the tol ceremony here: http://lifeinkorea.com/culture/tol/tol.cfm

Harrison is about to turn a year old, and we are in the midst of planning his chut-tol celebration. We hope to have Korean food for our family to try, and we plan to have a toljabee ceremony, in which Harrison will choose items from a table to predict his future occupation/fortune. He will also wear his hanbok (traditional Korean clothing) which arrived with him in July, and was purchased for him by his foster family in Korea. We will take lots of photos of him, and we're planning to send some along to his foster family so they can see how handsome he is, how well he's doing, and how much we all love him. We are so looking forward to this day...there was a time when we didn't know if we would ever become parents, and now, as we approach our son's first birthday, life is just so good and so happy! He is a treasure. Sometimes I literally pinch myself to make sure it's real, and when he naps I sometimes peek at him to make sure he's still there. I wonder if I will always do this.

While I think about how blessed we are to be celebrating our son's first birthday I also think of his birthmother. I wonder about her...I think about her every day. I wonder where she is, what she is doing, if she's ok, and how her life is now. Now that I am a mother, I know how great her sacrifice was, and how brave she must have been to make an adoption plan for her baby. Without knowing her, I have a great love for her...I know letting him go must have been the hardest thing she ever did, and sometimes it bothers me that what might have been her worst moments brought us our greatest joy. I feel so connected to her, a woman I have never met, and I hope that her life is on a good path. I will be saying special prayers for her on February 13 and I hope she knows, that she can feel across the great distance that divides us, how much Brendan and I love the son we share with her.

Quick "H" Man Update

It's been awhile since I put up a new picture of Harry...we've been on camera hiatus for a few weeks in the aftermath of "too much Christmas camera", when Harry saw nothing but blue spots from the repeated flashes, I am sure.

An update: Harry likes to run. And it freaks us out...we live in constant fear of head wounds if he were to lose his balance and crash headfirst into something. He has done this, so we are not just paranoid. He is chasing Riley and Charlotte all of the time and they run but they can't hide from the Dog Tormentor. He has also become a drool making machine lately, and we expect new teeth any moment (although we might not get to see them, as Harry bites when we try to look).

He is quirky and fun, and makes us smile from the inside out. We're looking forward to his tol and toljabee ceremony...more on that in my next post.

Pants are optional

Harrison has been playing in his pack-n-play in our loft. He likes to lie on his back and watch the ceiling fan whiz around, throw all of his toys onto the floor so I can pick them up, and he always, always, always takes his socks off. Lately, though, he has been taking more than his socks off. When I put him in the pack-n-play he's dressed from head to toe in something undoubtedly cute...today it was khaki cargo pants, a long sleeved blue onesie, with a short sleeved plaid button up shirt layered over the top. (Layering is IN, you know). I just looked over at H, and he's not wearing any pants. They are folded neatly over the side of the pack-n-play, as if waiting for me to put them back in the dresser. Apparently, pants are optional during play time. Harry is grinning...he looks at the pants, looks back at me and laughs.

I am in for it, aren't I?

Beating the Winter Blues

Winter can be especially tough for anyone who sets their bodyclock by daylight...I find myself able to sleep for really long stretches (well, when Harry allows it, anyway), staying indoors for days at a time, and snacking, well, a lot. Not good. In winters past I went snowshoeing, sledding, and for long, brisk walks in the freezing cold. All of those things help keep me sane during the dark winter months...this year, however, I have become idle once again. While I know I can take Harrison out in the cold if I bundle him up really well, it just seems to be so much work when we can only stay out for 1/2 hour.

So, in an effort to beat the winter blues I am switching my tactics. I am finding simple ways to "transport" myself to warmer climates and summery ideas. Behold:

1. Getting a tan. I first discovered Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer right before Christmas. I used it and liked it, except for the scent. I applied it before going out to dinner one night and all I could smell was my tan...dinner was ruined for me, at least the taste of it was. I have since found Neutrogena Build-a-Tan Gradual Sunless Tanning, which barely smells and works a little bit better, in my humble opinion. My rationalization for tan in a can is that I feel better about my body when I am not pastey white. With gradual sunless tanning it looks less fake, and I only have to apply it when I feel like I'm fading (both literally and mentally).

2. Music from a sunny place. While shopping at my local big box store I found a CD of music from south of the border that has been soothing my chilly bones ever since. Lifescapes: Mexico - Festival Cancun two CD set has had me on my feet dancing around the living room (with both Harry and Brendan...imagine!) and dreaming of salt rimmed maragritas. For whatever reason this music makes me feel warmer, and that makes winter more bearable.

3. Taking fresh to the next level....of cooking. I have been cooking dishes that you normally find in the summer, such as grilled burgers and pasta salad, fresh salsa with lime chips, shrimp kebabs, etc. I buy produce that is slightly out of season (and maybe a little more pricey) but it tastes so good to have something fresh to eat! Bring on the lemon and herb grilled tilapia!

4. Catching some rays. When the sun does shine through (not often, lately) I sit in a sunny window, close my eyes, and pretend I'm south of here. Just letting the sunlight hit your skin for a few minutes a day can change your whole outlook!

5. A light revolution. As lightbulbs die around the house, I have been replacing them with GE Reveal Bulbs...they offer light in the blue and red ranges, and eliminate the yellow indoor glow we normally see from our table lamps. And they also seem to reveal how dirty my house is, which makes me get up and move some more...

I hope my corny ideas help you if you're suffering from the blues. Harry is awakenng from his nap and I must go dance him around the living room! Arriba!

How many Cheerios can one child eat in a day (safely)?

Harry LOVES Cheerios. He has found the cupboard where we keep them, and we're having trouble keeping him out of there. But really, how many Cheerios can a child eat in a day? He has them at just about every meal, and sometimes as a snack in between! Pictured above are Harry and his friend, Isaac, who also LOVES Cheerios!

Resolutions, anyone?

Have you made any? Does anyone actually manage to keep them?

Brendan got me a new cookbook for x-mas, and I have made a resolution to choose ten recipes at a time and shop only for ingredients to those recipes. So far so good, and the recipes are quite tasty. Plus it is very helpful to have a menu from which to choose what to cook, instead of looking in the cupboard, seeing nothing instant, and grabbing the phone to dial a pizza.

I also made a resolution to eat meals when Harry does during the day, as I have noticed that I tend to skip meals, snack a lot, and drink too much coffee. This one has been little harder, but I am trying. The thing is, I like to snack. So I picked up some carrot sticks at the grocery and I always have microwave popcorn.

Thirdly, I want to bring exercise back into the routine. Took a 1/2 hour walk with Harry in backpack yesterday, wore my winter boots, and got two HUGE blisters on my heels. Boots apparently do not fit, and I'll wear sneakers today, despite the snow.

I have also "gone back to work", in a sense. I am doing some marketing from home for one of my old bosses, and that has been fun so far. Makes me feel a little more accomplished.

Last resolution is to bring art back into my life. I haven't quite worked out how to do this yet, but there is an easel in my basement that whispers to me whenever I go down there to do laundry. If it doesn't stop whispering, I might just have to go slap a canvas on it and paint to shut it up!


Good luck with your resolutions...may you stick with them, and may this year be the year that it all clicks into place!

Ode to Riley, Charlotte, and Max the Bunny

I don't want you all to think that we've forgotten our first loves since the arrival of our son, so I will devote this post to the furry ones that live amongst us.

Max was our first baby. We got him at a pet store in a mall while living in an apartment in Rye, NH. While I don't believe in buying animals from pet stores and perpetuating the puppy/kitten/bunny mills that are out there, we just had to bring Max home. It was the day before Easter, the pet store window was filled with fuzzy little bundles of hoppiness. There was one bunny that stood out from the rest. He was bigger than the others, which meant he was older, and less likely to go home. He also had a bunny poop squished into his fur, which more than sealed his fate. He wasn't going anywhere looking like that, and it wasn't his fault he'd been born for a pet store sale. But we weren't supposed to have any pets at our apartment and Brendan insisted we think it over before buying him on impulse. The next morning we decided to go back and get him. We drove to the mall, and found it closed. It was Easter Sunday. I was devastated that our bunny had to spend one more night there...we went back the next morning and bought Max the Bunny who, by the way, still had a poop squished into his fur. We took him home, cleaned him up, and he's been our buddy ever since. He lives in our loft now, in a cozy condo complete with hand painted house and play yard...he has the softest fur in the world - it is far better than cashmere or angora or any of the other so-called soft fabrics out there. The way it feels is, I imagine, much like how we think touching clouds would feel. Max is a character...he has a close and personal relationship with two bouncy balls from the grocery store which is, incidentally, how we determined his sex. He is terribly curious, lightning fast, and always busy. We have to give him new things to chew on and destroy frequently to keep him from getting bored. Right now he is watching me type this, and probaly wondering why I'm not offering up any yogurt snacks.

Riley was the second furbaby, and our first dog. Almost a year after we brought Max home, and a few months after the purchase and recarpeting of our first house, we decided having a dog might be fun. I researched shelters and found one I liked that had a program called Homebound Hounds, in which hunting breeds (labs, hounds, spaniels) from an overwhelmed no-kill shelter in Virginia were brought to New England to find their forever homes. Shelters in New England seldom have these breeds available, instead they tend to have very large breeds (rottweilers, pit bulls, etc....all fine dogs, but not what we wanted). One day in February Brendan finally gave me the go-ahead to go and get a puppy. My friend Margie and I drove from South Berwick, ME to the Sterling Animal Shelter in MA (http://www.sterlingshelter.org/) to pick out a small female dog. We arrived before they were open for the day and a line of cars formed behind us. When they opened the gates we went through pen after pen of puppies, all of them beautiful and well cared for. The sign on Riley's pen said "hound/shepard mix, mother was 30 lbs." One of Riley's brothers bit my pant leg and tugged at it and Riley followed behind him, very curious but a little too skittish to approach me on her own. I picked her up and she melted into me, all warm and soft and cuddly, and promptly fell fast asleep. I spent more time looking at the other puppies but could not bring myself to put her down, so she came home with us that day. Riley's life has been a series of medical disasters...as a puppy she suffered from chronic yeast infections in her ears, and broke out in boils whenever she came into contact with hay or straw. Her eyes swelled shut after a bug bite and she needed the equivalent of an epinephrin shot to yank her out of her reaction. She had what seemed like an asthma attack after having a Bordatella vaccine sprayed into her nose (this is one way the vaccine can be administered) and we raced to the vet yet again. She had surgery to remove a large lump of gunk that was obstructing the healing of her ruptured ear drum. We finally got her ears under control while living in CT, and then we moved to NY, where the rest of her promptly fell apart. Her skin is an almost constant rash of boils and irritation, and her ears are going through stages of infection again. We have very good vets helping us through all of this...we've done allergy testing and the results show she's allergic to, well, everything. Beef, chicken, oak trees, dust mites, most yard weeds, yeast, wheat, etc. We tried allergy shots, but she reacted badly to them and ended up at the emergency room for pets. Right now, Riley is medicated daily with Prednizone, and she sometimes needs Benadryl and antibiotics as well. She is now a whopping 50 lbs and does not resemble hounds or shepards in the least. We have her skin and ears under control, and her quality of life is good. She licks and scratches quite a bit, but she's a love of a dog and I would not trade her for any of the other puppies I could have brought home that day. She was my comfort on the darkest days after our infertility diagnosis...she sat with her head in my lap as I cried, and licked me reassuringly. I know that she will always be as dedicated to us as we are to her, and for that she is a great dog.

Charlotte Louise (yes, she has a middle name) joined our family in the fall of 2004. She was our obligatory infertility dog (OID). We were down in the dumps, it was Brendan's birthday weekend in October (he was turning 30) and we had no plans. I suggested we go to the animal shelter and just look at the puppies to cheer ourselves. When all else is dreary, there's nothing like a little puppy love to brighten your day! We drove to Save-a-Stray in Corinth(http://www.petfinder.org/shelters/NY61.html) and spent hours playing with the puppies. There was one little beagle mix in a pen outside the front door, and she was sooooo cute...Brendan had always wanted a beagle so it seemed our fates were sealed. We drove to the bank, deducted the correct amount of money, and brought home Charlotte. We didn't know much about beagles, except that they howl, but we found out very soon that they are full of heart, spunk, attitude, deviousness, and love. She is a dear dog, although wild in her abandon of manners and decorum. She sits daintily with front paws crossed one minute, and the next she's chasing your feet as you walk, or howling at a bug on the floor. The dogs are fed at 7:00 pm each day, and Charlotte sits in the kitchen looking longingly at her dish starting at 5:30 or 6:00. It is the only time of day that she shows any type of patience. She paws at the door feverishly to be let in...if it were wooden there would surely be a doggie door clawed through it by now. When guests come to our house she is a bungee dog, jumping straight up into the air trying to get closer to the guest's face so she can lick it. She snores. Loudly. She is as healthy as a dog can be, and visits the vet only for shots. When the first snow of the year falls, Charlotte stops using the deck stairs and instead gets a running start, then jumps with all her might as far as she can from the deck. It is hysterically funny, and she gets quite a bit of distance for such a small dog. SHe likes to sleep covered up with a blanket, and sometimes crawls under our bed and howls in the middle of the night. Oh Charlotte. You are a stinker, indeed.

Max has now fallen asleep to the sound of my typing, and Charlotte is on the bridge growling playfully to Riley below. It's time I put the computer to bed and spent some time with my little furry friends.