I quietly turned the big 3-0 a couple of weeks ago. Quietly not because I feel strange about this new decade, rather because I didn't know if we would have a new baby at that point, and making grand plans for parties with friends seemed a waste of time on the off-chance that we would need to cancel. It seemed easier in the long run to just not plan anything. Brendan and Harry took me CD shopping at Best Buy, and then out to lunch in Saratoga at The Stadium (where, back in my working days, I lunched quite frequently and where I very much enjoy the Saratoga Special), after which we window shopped and ate very good kettle corn purchased from the street vendor. It was a lovely afternoon, and just what I wanted to do on my last day of 29, in honor of turning thirty.
Turning thirty isn't a very big deal. It still seems a very young age to me; I am still younger than many of our friends and social acquaintances, and it is not an age when one is allowed any sort of new privilege. I actually looked forward to being out of my twenties, which always felt to me like the decade of floundering, if not in my own life then certainly in the lives of celebrities, TV personalities, etc. I have always felt that at thirty, a person has ARRIVED in their life. They should know what they want to do, they have a better understanding of who they are at the core, and they should have some idea of where their life is going. To turn 30 felt....good.
I have noticed a few age-related things since my birthday, though. It is as if my hair knows I am no longer twenty-something, and has betrayed me by growing in gray! Not a lot of it, mind you, but specifically the areas along my part and hairline. And if that weren't bad enough, the gray hairs are decidedly more coarse than my regular hair, and they are also curly, where my brown hair is pin straight. The result is that my gray hairs stick up out of my hair, curly and noticeable for all of the world to see. Brendan thinks I am crazy because he hasn't really noticed my onset of gray. I always thought I would be someone who could go gray naturally, let the sands of time take their toll and all of that. As it turns out, I am disappointingly vain when it comes to my gray hair. I dyed it yesterday, and the gray covered nicely. My new color is cocoa, #24. And I secretly hate that I feel compelled to dye my hair to hide my aging locks, but not seeing those gray hairs sticking up far outweighs my self-embarrassment for not quite being the person I thought I was.
The second thing I noticed, this morning while applying a bit of makeup to hide the bags under my eyes, is that I am suddenly quite freckled. When I was a little girl I wanted freckles more than just about anything else. Back then I did not love my clear, slightly olive skin...I wanted freckles and blond hair, curly hair if I could really have my way. Those were the features the popular girls in my class shared, and I wanted so badly to be a part of that. I distinctly remember St. Patrick's Day in the fourth grade, when Mrs. Flynn, our teacher, encouraged us all to dress as leprechauns. I wore the mandatory green, of course, but I also pocketed my mom's eyeliner before leaving for school. In the mirror over the water fountain in our classroom I carefully applied brown freckles to each of my cheeks, because in my fourth grade mind I could not possibly look Irish if I didn't have a lovely set of freckles dotting my skin. Today, looking in the mirror, I saw that my freckles had finally come in, only a few decades too late. My skin is much fairer now, much more delicate, and the freckles seem strange to me. What seems really strange is that they seem to have appeared so suddenly, as if someone snuck in while I was sleeping and dotted my face with an eyeliner once again. Did they really appear suddenly, or have I just been so busy with toddler and marriage and home and life that I didn't notice their arrival?
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The New Maketh The Old Look Shabby
I'm not sure if I mentioned it here, but Brendan and I have been giving our bedroom an overhaul. When we are anxious or about to go through a major upheaval (read: having a second child) we take it out on our house. So we've painted the walls, bought a new TV, bought two wardrobes (at a steal for $50 apiece on clearance!!) to help ease the clog that is our much-too-small master bedroom closet, and brought in two fun little upholstered chairs from my grandmother's house. It is coming along nicely, starting to feel more like the sanctuary it ought to be rather than the dumping ground for stuff we don't know what to do with. Aside from the few extra pieces of furniture currently residing within its walls (which we could get rid of this weekend if we tried hard enough) it looks almost done.
Last weekend we went shopping and found the most lovely curtains. They have sheen, and they are lined, and they are so pretty and sophisticated. And they were...a little expensive at $40/panel, especially since we needed eight panels. But they were so lovely, and we really stick to our tight budget so that when we really want or need something we can afford it. And in the grand scheme of curtain shopping, $40 a panel is really NOT expensive. We bought them, hung them up, and they held up their end of the bargain by taking the room up a notch in elegance. I love them. I will post pictures sometime when, ahem, the room is not in its current state of packing-for-Korea shambles, otherwise known as The Sara Sprawl.
The only problem with adding new, delightful curtains in our bedroom is that it makes our living room curtains feel a little sad, cheap, and outdated. They are not elegant, they are not delightful. Sure, they serve their purpose by allowing us privacy in the evenings and adding a little fabric to the windows, but they really don't add anything to the room. They are like my closet: stay-at-home mom frumpy. And for the record, Brendan was the one who pointed out our new "dilemma", and he was the one who urged me to say yes to the bedroom curtains. Just thought you should know that I am not spending money like a drunken sailor without his go-ahead (not that I need it).
So, we'll keep our eyes open for a kicking good deal on lovely curtains for the living room, in hopes that we'll find just the right thing. We'll need eight panels again, so it will have to be a very good deal indeed. And if that route fails us, I will learn to sew curtains the proper way, as my mom does. She made the curtains for both Harry and Emma's rooms, and they are wonderful. She puts in the proper hems, irons all of her seams before sewing, and even lines panels when asked to. She also <gasp> measures the window before buying fabric! Who knew that such things could make a profound difference in the end result?* But no, sadly, she won't sign herself up for making curtains for my living room. Boo. Let me know if you see a good sale sometime, and your sweet reward will be knowing that you helped rid our home of the frump.
*Sarcasm. I know that measuring makes a difference, I just choose to follow more artistic routes in curtain creation, otherwise known as "winging it".
Last weekend we went shopping and found the most lovely curtains. They have sheen, and they are lined, and they are so pretty and sophisticated. And they were...a little expensive at $40/panel, especially since we needed eight panels. But they were so lovely, and we really stick to our tight budget so that when we really want or need something we can afford it. And in the grand scheme of curtain shopping, $40 a panel is really NOT expensive. We bought them, hung them up, and they held up their end of the bargain by taking the room up a notch in elegance. I love them. I will post pictures sometime when, ahem, the room is not in its current state of packing-for-Korea shambles, otherwise known as The Sara Sprawl.
The only problem with adding new, delightful curtains in our bedroom is that it makes our living room curtains feel a little sad, cheap, and outdated. They are not elegant, they are not delightful. Sure, they serve their purpose by allowing us privacy in the evenings and adding a little fabric to the windows, but they really don't add anything to the room. They are like my closet: stay-at-home mom frumpy. And for the record, Brendan was the one who pointed out our new "dilemma", and he was the one who urged me to say yes to the bedroom curtains. Just thought you should know that I am not spending money like a drunken sailor without his go-ahead (not that I need it).
So, we'll keep our eyes open for a kicking good deal on lovely curtains for the living room, in hopes that we'll find just the right thing. We'll need eight panels again, so it will have to be a very good deal indeed. And if that route fails us, I will learn to sew curtains the proper way, as my mom does. She made the curtains for both Harry and Emma's rooms, and they are wonderful. She puts in the proper hems, irons all of her seams before sewing, and even lines panels when asked to. She also <gasp> measures the window before buying fabric! Who knew that such things could make a profound difference in the end result?* But no, sadly, she won't sign herself up for making curtains for my living room. Boo. Let me know if you see a good sale sometime, and your sweet reward will be knowing that you helped rid our home of the frump.
*Sarcasm. I know that measuring makes a difference, I just choose to follow more artistic routes in curtain creation, otherwise known as "winging it".
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly
After waiting 20 1/2 hours to find out what she wanted, I talked to our agency director today.
The good news is Hee Seon's ear infection has cleared up and she is ok to fly.
The bad news, as our director put it, is the staff (of Eastern?) are at seminar this week, so she won't hear from them to get the ok to travel until Monday. If we got the ok to travel on Monday, we could possibly leave on Wednesday and arrive in Seoul on Thursday. We need to give Eastern a day or two of notice that we're coming in order to see if we can stay at the guest house or if we'll need to find a hotel, and to allow them time to arrange meetings with the foster mothers. If we arrived on Thursday it would be in the evening, and then we could meet the foster moms and Dr. Kims on Friday, but then Eastern is closed for the weekend. So really, it would make more sense to leave on Saturday, arrive on Sunday, and have Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday for whatever meetings and our flights home. But that is Easter weekend, and I think that Eastern is a Christian foundation, with a good chance that things might be closed for the holiday. So where does that leave us? Stranded in Waiting Land, once again.
How do I feel in regards to this news? I feel like crap. I feel like we've been waiting for her to come home for so long, and we've put a multitude of other events/plans/ideas on hold so our family, with its newest member, could be adjusted before we shook things up with a trip, surgery, or big family event. I feel like we are losing time with our daughter, time that would be better spent getting to know her, learning how to make her smile, watching her learn and grow, learning to trust one another and attach. I'm starting to think that because we are a mellow, accommodating sort of people, that we're bending and swaying to everyone else's whim, without having a really clear idea of what will happen next.
I am starting to feel like an Ugly American...I want, in my heart, to jump on the next plane to Seoul and demand "my" baby. I rationally understand that this cannot happen. I know she is not our baby yet. I am acutely aware of the process and procedure that must be followed to adopt a child. I am also very aware that in the world of international adoption, five months is really not that long of a time to wait between referral and travel. But. All of that aside, the emotions we are going through are honest and real, and they don't play by the rules of rationality.
So, we wait. In the meantime, we have potty training to undertake, lunch to prepare, playdates to attend, sunshine in which to play, and a house to keep clean. We have wonderful friends and family to support us, and we have each other. But what we really want, and really need, is for our daughter (to-be) to come home. Because we're tired of feeling like crap.
The good news is Hee Seon's ear infection has cleared up and she is ok to fly.
The bad news, as our director put it, is the staff (of Eastern?) are at seminar this week, so she won't hear from them to get the ok to travel until Monday. If we got the ok to travel on Monday, we could possibly leave on Wednesday and arrive in Seoul on Thursday. We need to give Eastern a day or two of notice that we're coming in order to see if we can stay at the guest house or if we'll need to find a hotel, and to allow them time to arrange meetings with the foster mothers. If we arrived on Thursday it would be in the evening, and then we could meet the foster moms and Dr. Kims on Friday, but then Eastern is closed for the weekend. So really, it would make more sense to leave on Saturday, arrive on Sunday, and have Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday for whatever meetings and our flights home. But that is Easter weekend, and I think that Eastern is a Christian foundation, with a good chance that things might be closed for the holiday. So where does that leave us? Stranded in Waiting Land, once again.
How do I feel in regards to this news? I feel like crap. I feel like we've been waiting for her to come home for so long, and we've put a multitude of other events/plans/ideas on hold so our family, with its newest member, could be adjusted before we shook things up with a trip, surgery, or big family event. I feel like we are losing time with our daughter, time that would be better spent getting to know her, learning how to make her smile, watching her learn and grow, learning to trust one another and attach. I'm starting to think that because we are a mellow, accommodating sort of people, that we're bending and swaying to everyone else's whim, without having a really clear idea of what will happen next.
I am starting to feel like an Ugly American...I want, in my heart, to jump on the next plane to Seoul and demand "my" baby. I rationally understand that this cannot happen. I know she is not our baby yet. I am acutely aware of the process and procedure that must be followed to adopt a child. I am also very aware that in the world of international adoption, five months is really not that long of a time to wait between referral and travel. But. All of that aside, the emotions we are going through are honest and real, and they don't play by the rules of rationality.
So, we wait. In the meantime, we have potty training to undertake, lunch to prepare, playdates to attend, sunshine in which to play, and a house to keep clean. We have wonderful friends and family to support us, and we have each other. But what we really want, and really need, is for our daughter (to-be) to come home. Because we're tired of feeling like crap.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
We're Still Here, We're Just Boring
There isn't anything new to report, not anything particularly interesting, anyway. We're still waiting to hear how Emma is feeling, and we got a message from our agency director today saying she was "not calling about our baby's travel, but has a question" for us. She wanted me to call her ASAP, but I was out and when I tried to return her call she had already left the office for the day. As you can imagine I am dying of curiosity as to what she wants. I will have to wait until tomorrow to find out, so I'll spend another evening filled with adrenaline.
Someone who works with another agency sent me their travel packet for Korea (I am protecting their privacy so they don't get in trouble for doing so....but thank you so much!), with instructions about where to go, what to do, what to expect, etc. It has been hugely helpful in preparing me for our trip. Because we will have meetings with the founder and director of Eastern I wanted to have at least one non-frumpy, somewhat nice looking outfit. You know, something nicer than my stay-at-home-mom garb (jeans and t-shirts). The occasion sort of calls for a blouse and skirt, of which I own one, and that skirt in particular just screams WINTER with its gray woolness. Love that skirt, but the season has changed and I wanted something new, something pretty. I never have good luck buying skirts. I am on the short side of the spectrum, and many skirts have the affect of making me look even shorter. But today the shopping gods were on my side and I found a skirt that I love, it was half off (yippeee!), and they had it in two colors so I bought two! I also bought two blouses and a cami to wear beneath them. It feels good to have nice clothes in my closet...actually they are so pretty that I hung them up in our room so I could look at them. Can you tell that it has been awhile since I bought anything new for myself? Tomorrow we tackle the problem of shoes...I've looked all over the place with no luck, but there must be a shoe out there somewhere that does not have a 3-4 inch heel. If all else fails I'll order online and pay for quick shipping.
I have also been spending a lot of time reading my book club book. I had been slacking on reading it because I thought I would either be in Korea (I planned to read it on the plane), or I would have a brand-new baby in the house, both scenarios keeping me from attending. It now seems unlikely that I will be in Korea by Thursday evening, so I am trying to finish the book quickly in order to make our meeting. We're reading the memoir The Glass Castle, and I find myself both thoroughly enjoying it and having a hard time reading it...the latter due to the severe lack of basic parenting skills exhibited by the parents in the book. I haven't gotten to the end, but I'll try to remember to update you with my overall impression once I have.
This morning I cleaned all of the ice and snow off the deck, cleaned the deck furniture, and arranged it so we could sit outside on sunny afternoons. And we did sit out there this evening, right before we took a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood. It was a delicious feeling to be able to walk after dinner, to feel my body move after months and months of sitting curled tightly on the couch to conserve both energy and warmth. And! My Irises! They are growing! I just love spring. It makes me feel good inside.
See, nothing very noteworthy at all. Just the phone call, and who knows what that will bring. Keep your fingers crossed that it is good news, won't you?
Someone who works with another agency sent me their travel packet for Korea (I am protecting their privacy so they don't get in trouble for doing so....but thank you so much!), with instructions about where to go, what to do, what to expect, etc. It has been hugely helpful in preparing me for our trip. Because we will have meetings with the founder and director of Eastern I wanted to have at least one non-frumpy, somewhat nice looking outfit. You know, something nicer than my stay-at-home-mom garb (jeans and t-shirts). The occasion sort of calls for a blouse and skirt, of which I own one, and that skirt in particular just screams WINTER with its gray woolness. Love that skirt, but the season has changed and I wanted something new, something pretty. I never have good luck buying skirts. I am on the short side of the spectrum, and many skirts have the affect of making me look even shorter. But today the shopping gods were on my side and I found a skirt that I love, it was half off (yippeee!), and they had it in two colors so I bought two! I also bought two blouses and a cami to wear beneath them. It feels good to have nice clothes in my closet...actually they are so pretty that I hung them up in our room so I could look at them. Can you tell that it has been awhile since I bought anything new for myself? Tomorrow we tackle the problem of shoes...I've looked all over the place with no luck, but there must be a shoe out there somewhere that does not have a 3-4 inch heel. If all else fails I'll order online and pay for quick shipping.
I have also been spending a lot of time reading my book club book. I had been slacking on reading it because I thought I would either be in Korea (I planned to read it on the plane), or I would have a brand-new baby in the house, both scenarios keeping me from attending. It now seems unlikely that I will be in Korea by Thursday evening, so I am trying to finish the book quickly in order to make our meeting. We're reading the memoir The Glass Castle, and I find myself both thoroughly enjoying it and having a hard time reading it...the latter due to the severe lack of basic parenting skills exhibited by the parents in the book. I haven't gotten to the end, but I'll try to remember to update you with my overall impression once I have.
This morning I cleaned all of the ice and snow off the deck, cleaned the deck furniture, and arranged it so we could sit outside on sunny afternoons. And we did sit out there this evening, right before we took a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood. It was a delicious feeling to be able to walk after dinner, to feel my body move after months and months of sitting curled tightly on the couch to conserve both energy and warmth. And! My Irises! They are growing! I just love spring. It makes me feel good inside.
See, nothing very noteworthy at all. Just the phone call, and who knows what that will bring. Keep your fingers crossed that it is good news, won't you?
Friday, March 23, 2007
Lest You Think We're Sitting Inside And Pouting All Day
I submit these photos to reassure you we're actually outside taking in the fresh SPRING air:
Harrison learned to pedal his tricycle within 20 seconds of being shown how. Does anyone know if you can still buy Big Wheels? He would love one!
Once he mastered the pedaling, he figured out he could go faster if he just pushed the trike.
Contemplating whether or not he can jump off the top porch step. You can see the hack job haircut I gave him yesterday...it may be time to seek professional help.
Disgusted with me for having the camera in his face constantly.
Harry and Mom.
I was trying to get a nice picture of the two of us for Brendan's desk at work, as his co-workers are always complaining that his pictures are outdated. I am not very good at the self-timer feature of our new camera yet, as you can see in the next photo:
Although it is blurry I like this one the best because we're both bent over from laughing so hard. The self timer only allows 10 seconds to pose, so I had to run to where he was playing on the driveway, scoop him up, and try to arrange us both in the camera's frame. He thought it was a really fun game, and said "Again!" when he finished laughing.
And finally, blowing you a kiss:
Harrison learned to pedal his tricycle within 20 seconds of being shown how. Does anyone know if you can still buy Big Wheels? He would love one!
Once he mastered the pedaling, he figured out he could go faster if he just pushed the trike.
Contemplating whether or not he can jump off the top porch step. You can see the hack job haircut I gave him yesterday...it may be time to seek professional help.
Disgusted with me for having the camera in his face constantly.
Harry and Mom.
I was trying to get a nice picture of the two of us for Brendan's desk at work, as his co-workers are always complaining that his pictures are outdated. I am not very good at the self-timer feature of our new camera yet, as you can see in the next photo:
Although it is blurry I like this one the best because we're both bent over from laughing so hard. The self timer only allows 10 seconds to pose, so I had to run to where he was playing on the driveway, scoop him up, and try to arrange us both in the camera's frame. He thought it was a really fun game, and said "Again!" when he finished laughing.
And finally, blowing you a kiss:
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Am I My Own Worst Enemy?
If you'll take a moment to think back to December 31st, you might remember that I worked some numbers to try and figure out when Emma would arrive. Behold my idiocy:
"If my calculations and speculations are correct, this means that we will not have visa approval until maybe the beginning of February."
We got our approvals on February 10th.
"If she follows Harry’s lead and arrives 45 days after visa approval that means she might be home on March 21, the vernal equinox. That is 80 days from now."
Emma would have been home today, if not for an ear infection. Weird, no?
"Of course, all of this is subject to a million influences...I have to stop focusing my energy and hope on a February arrival. It’s most likely not going to happen, and even March is a long shot. April is much more likely. In April Emma will be 8 months old."
I wish I could go back and tell Myself of December 31, 2006, to just stop trying to figure it all out. To shut up. I find myself wondering if I somehow attracted all of this mess to myself. Blech.
"If my calculations and speculations are correct, this means that we will not have visa approval until maybe the beginning of February."
We got our approvals on February 10th.
"If she follows Harry’s lead and arrives 45 days after visa approval that means she might be home on March 21, the vernal equinox. That is 80 days from now."
Emma would have been home today, if not for an ear infection. Weird, no?
"Of course, all of this is subject to a million influences...I have to stop focusing my energy and hope on a February arrival. It’s most likely not going to happen, and even March is a long shot. April is much more likely. In April Emma will be 8 months old."
I wish I could go back and tell Myself of December 31, 2006, to just stop trying to figure it all out. To shut up. I find myself wondering if I somehow attracted all of this mess to myself. Blech.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Lazy, With A Side Of Ice Cream
If you are going to have bad news it is a good idea to have ice cream in your house. Ice cream, with its creamy, smooth, and cold deliciousness, can soothe a sad heart very nicely, in my experience. Might I suggest Stewart's Crumbs Along the Mohawk, made into a sundae with sunflower seeds, banana, and Hershey's Syrup? In the words of Rachel Rae: it's wicked good.
And when was the cap on the Hershey's Syrup revolutionized? It now has a flip cap, like Colgate toothpaste, with no extra clear plastic lid that always got smeared with chocolate. Brilliant! Advances are being made every day, and this proves it.
Yesterday when I was filled with nervous energy because I thought Emma might really be coming home this week, I was very busy around the house. I scrubbed our hardwood floors Cinderella Style with Murphy's Oil Soap (my favorite cleaner for floors)...you would not believe what a pain it is to get little drops of milk off of the floor once they have dried on. Not fun. But today they sparkle and shine and I feel accomplished. I also cleaned our our TV armoire, which had degenerated into a pile of mismatched CDs and DVDs, their cases strewn about in a mound of disarray that threatened to topple over at any minute. It took awhile but I no longer have to hold my breath when I open the doors, hoping that nothing falls onto Harry's head. I worked hard for most of the day, and the distraction was good.
Today, however, I have done nothing. Except the ice cream sundae, which was a bit of an accomplishment. I have rotated through the house, sitting in the sunny spots and trying to stay warm. I have had tea. I spent two hours reading with Harrison...his love for books grows by the hour and he was not happy until we'd read each one twice. We also played cars for a very long time, and then we took turns rolling Thomas the Tank Engine down a pillow onto the floor, giggling as he crashed. It was a normal day, devoid of any bad news, and it felt really good.
And as a final measure to make myself feel better, I watched the first half of Dr. Phil during Harry's nap. If you ever need to feel vastly better about your life or situation, watch Dr. Phil. Oh my. My life is not out of control at all, in fact we're doing just fine. This latest bit of nonsense about travel? It's just a blip in the grand scheme of things. Emma will be home very soon, and we will have sleepless nights, clothes that perpetually have some sort of baby stain on them, a toddler who feels slightly displaced, a severe lack of time alone, and more Cheerios throughout the house than the dogs can eat. But we'll be happy, and we'll not have any need to visit Dr. Phil. Ever. Thank God.
And when was the cap on the Hershey's Syrup revolutionized? It now has a flip cap, like Colgate toothpaste, with no extra clear plastic lid that always got smeared with chocolate. Brilliant! Advances are being made every day, and this proves it.
Yesterday when I was filled with nervous energy because I thought Emma might really be coming home this week, I was very busy around the house. I scrubbed our hardwood floors Cinderella Style with Murphy's Oil Soap (my favorite cleaner for floors)...you would not believe what a pain it is to get little drops of milk off of the floor once they have dried on. Not fun. But today they sparkle and shine and I feel accomplished. I also cleaned our our TV armoire, which had degenerated into a pile of mismatched CDs and DVDs, their cases strewn about in a mound of disarray that threatened to topple over at any minute. It took awhile but I no longer have to hold my breath when I open the doors, hoping that nothing falls onto Harry's head. I worked hard for most of the day, and the distraction was good.
Today, however, I have done nothing. Except the ice cream sundae, which was a bit of an accomplishment. I have rotated through the house, sitting in the sunny spots and trying to stay warm. I have had tea. I spent two hours reading with Harrison...his love for books grows by the hour and he was not happy until we'd read each one twice. We also played cars for a very long time, and then we took turns rolling Thomas the Tank Engine down a pillow onto the floor, giggling as he crashed. It was a normal day, devoid of any bad news, and it felt really good.
And as a final measure to make myself feel better, I watched the first half of Dr. Phil during Harry's nap. If you ever need to feel vastly better about your life or situation, watch Dr. Phil. Oh my. My life is not out of control at all, in fact we're doing just fine. This latest bit of nonsense about travel? It's just a blip in the grand scheme of things. Emma will be home very soon, and we will have sleepless nights, clothes that perpetually have some sort of baby stain on them, a toddler who feels slightly displaced, a severe lack of time alone, and more Cheerios throughout the house than the dogs can eat. But we'll be happy, and we'll not have any need to visit Dr. Phil. Ever. Thank God.
The News We Were Expecting, But Did Not Want To Get
A call late last night from our agency's director let us know that Emma can't come home on Wednesday. With her ear infection it is too risky to fly as there would be a good chance of the eardrum rupturing.
I will travel when the antibiotics have done their job and she is feeling better. Maybe next week. At this point we're basically back to waiting for a travel call, since we have to have the go-ahead from her doctors to travel.
And here is where I'll try to explain something but may end up hurting people's feelings, albeit unintentionally: please don't be offended if you call and we don't answer the phone. As you can imagine we have been telling this story, with all of its twists and turns, to each supportive friend and family member that calls. We're done, exhausted, overwhelmed. We can't keep going over and over the details anymore because it makes us sad all over again and, frankly, keeps us locked in a state of disappointment. We really appreciate the love and support people have shown us, but right now we need to have a week that somewhat resembles normal. You can check here for any of the latest news on Miss Emma's arrival.
Harrison is sick with a nasty cold, I have library books to return and new ones to take out, and I really need to get some fresh air today. And coffee...there must be coffee so I can clear my head.
I will travel when the antibiotics have done their job and she is feeling better. Maybe next week. At this point we're basically back to waiting for a travel call, since we have to have the go-ahead from her doctors to travel.
And here is where I'll try to explain something but may end up hurting people's feelings, albeit unintentionally: please don't be offended if you call and we don't answer the phone. As you can imagine we have been telling this story, with all of its twists and turns, to each supportive friend and family member that calls. We're done, exhausted, overwhelmed. We can't keep going over and over the details anymore because it makes us sad all over again and, frankly, keeps us locked in a state of disappointment. We really appreciate the love and support people have shown us, but right now we need to have a week that somewhat resembles normal. You can check here for any of the latest news on Miss Emma's arrival.
Harrison is sick with a nasty cold, I have library books to return and new ones to take out, and I really need to get some fresh air today. And coffee...there must be coffee so I can clear my head.
Monday, March 19, 2007
We May Have To Revisit Plan B
Go ahead, have a chuckle at our expense.
Plan A was having Hee Seon escorted to the US.
Plan B was going to Korea to get her.
Plan C was to have another family bring her home.
And then?
Our agency director called a little while ago. She's had an urgent e-mail from Korea; apparently our baby-to-be has an ear infection, and a round of antibiotics was started Monday morning in Korea. They caught the infection early, and she is fine, but there is a question of whether or not she should fly because it is a middle ear infection. Once I knew she was ok I laughed. It was an honest reaction to this latest in a long string of plans gone awry. Better to laugh than to cry. I thought the director was going to cry as she explained to me what our options are; I guess it was her turn.
They wanted to leave the decision of whether or not to put Emma on the plane in our hands. I told her we'd feel better if the doctor took another look at her ear, and then made the decision for us. I can't ask another family to bring home a SICK child for us. I know I wouldn't want to take the chance of someone's else's baby's eardrum rupturing on my watch. And its really hard to make sound decisions about the health of a child who is half a world away. Our director agreed that it would really be better to have the doctors make the decision, and she will call them today.
By this time tomorrow we'll know if she's getting on the plane. Until then we wait, and carry on as if she is coming home on Wednesday, and at the same time carry on as though I am going to Korea to get her.
So that's that. Have a good laugh with us at Murphy's Law...I'm off to scrub the floors.
Edited to add:
Ms. M and her Mom made it to Korea without a problem, and they will meet her son tomorrow. Let's keep them in our thoughts, and hope that Baby L adjusts well to his new Mom!
Plan A was having Hee Seon escorted to the US.
Plan B was going to Korea to get her.
Plan C was to have another family bring her home.
And then?
Our agency director called a little while ago. She's had an urgent e-mail from Korea; apparently our baby-to-be has an ear infection, and a round of antibiotics was started Monday morning in Korea. They caught the infection early, and she is fine, but there is a question of whether or not she should fly because it is a middle ear infection. Once I knew she was ok I laughed. It was an honest reaction to this latest in a long string of plans gone awry. Better to laugh than to cry. I thought the director was going to cry as she explained to me what our options are; I guess it was her turn.
They wanted to leave the decision of whether or not to put Emma on the plane in our hands. I told her we'd feel better if the doctor took another look at her ear, and then made the decision for us. I can't ask another family to bring home a SICK child for us. I know I wouldn't want to take the chance of someone's else's baby's eardrum rupturing on my watch. And its really hard to make sound decisions about the health of a child who is half a world away. Our director agreed that it would really be better to have the doctors make the decision, and she will call them today.
By this time tomorrow we'll know if she's getting on the plane. Until then we wait, and carry on as if she is coming home on Wednesday, and at the same time carry on as though I am going to Korea to get her.
So that's that. Have a good laugh with us at Murphy's Law...I'm off to scrub the floors.
Edited to add:
Ms. M and her Mom made it to Korea without a problem, and they will meet her son tomorrow. Let's keep them in our thoughts, and hope that Baby L adjusts well to his new Mom!
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Guarding My Heart
Brendan has just left for his last day of work before having eight days off. Harrison is lying on his floor rhythmically kicking his bedroom door which, oddly enough, is how he settles down for his afternoon nap these days. It is (relatively) quiet in my house.
The afternoon sun is shining on the floor of my dining room, highlighting the floors that need to be cleaned, the rugs that could stand to be vacuumed, and the toys strewn here and there, but for the moment I am just enjoying the quiet. It feels like the first time my head has had any quiet since the call of Wednesday morning last.
I am still feeling the emotional aftershock of our week, in a bone-tired way that makes me want to curl in a ball and do nothing but escape into a book. There is so much that I dislike about what happened last week that it is making our baby's impending arrival a little less sweet than it should be. Most of it I don't feel comfortable writing about here because I would not want something I said in frustration to set the tone for our continued relationship with our adoption agency. Let me just say that in situations of extreme stress and pressure you will see both the best and the worst of people. I think we saw a bit of the worst of our agency, even though we have been more than happy with them in the past. I don't think this particular situation is likely to present itself again for our agency, and even if it did they would have some experience under their belts and would thus be more prepared to handle it in the manner it should have been handled in.
We were given less than four hours to decide if we were going to Korea or not, and once we had decided we were told that we should plan on being in Korea by Monday, March 19. Despite the fact that we told them we did not have passports in hand, we were pressured into buying airline tickets for a departure date that was iffy at best, based on our passport situation. When my passport did not arrive, I was made to feel that I had failed, when really my agency had failed to offer me guidance, time in which to make sure my plans were accurate and doable, and time in which to decide whether this was the right answer for our family. I want to know why I couldn't have made plans for leaving the following week. I want to know why I was made to feel as if this whole mess was my doing, my fault. I want to know how we are getting back the money we paid them for an escort. I want to know why it took so long for them to understand the distress we were working under, why it took so many phone calls to explain this and for them to do the right thing by offering us options that made sense. They did the right thing in the end, but at that point I had already lost a lot of faith in them. I want to know why every time I asked how the baby's ticket was to be arranged for the return flight, I got a different story. I want to know that my baby will be home on Wednesday, for sure and for certain, with no glitches.
I am not allowing myself to be overwhelmed with happiness right now because I cannot let myself believe she is coming home in case she isn't. I cannot enter into the motherhood of a second child after suffering another fallout of the kind I had last week, which is likely what would happen if I got my hopes up and then she didn't come home on Wednesday. I am guarding myself from that right now. When she is in our arms I will let the happy shine on in, like the sunshine on my dining room floor, illuminating all of the good things that are yet to come. But right now I am just trying to get through the next 2 1/2 days.
The afternoon sun is shining on the floor of my dining room, highlighting the floors that need to be cleaned, the rugs that could stand to be vacuumed, and the toys strewn here and there, but for the moment I am just enjoying the quiet. It feels like the first time my head has had any quiet since the call of Wednesday morning last.
I am still feeling the emotional aftershock of our week, in a bone-tired way that makes me want to curl in a ball and do nothing but escape into a book. There is so much that I dislike about what happened last week that it is making our baby's impending arrival a little less sweet than it should be. Most of it I don't feel comfortable writing about here because I would not want something I said in frustration to set the tone for our continued relationship with our adoption agency. Let me just say that in situations of extreme stress and pressure you will see both the best and the worst of people. I think we saw a bit of the worst of our agency, even though we have been more than happy with them in the past. I don't think this particular situation is likely to present itself again for our agency, and even if it did they would have some experience under their belts and would thus be more prepared to handle it in the manner it should have been handled in.
We were given less than four hours to decide if we were going to Korea or not, and once we had decided we were told that we should plan on being in Korea by Monday, March 19. Despite the fact that we told them we did not have passports in hand, we were pressured into buying airline tickets for a departure date that was iffy at best, based on our passport situation. When my passport did not arrive, I was made to feel that I had failed, when really my agency had failed to offer me guidance, time in which to make sure my plans were accurate and doable, and time in which to decide whether this was the right answer for our family. I want to know why I couldn't have made plans for leaving the following week. I want to know why I was made to feel as if this whole mess was my doing, my fault. I want to know how we are getting back the money we paid them for an escort. I want to know why it took so long for them to understand the distress we were working under, why it took so many phone calls to explain this and for them to do the right thing by offering us options that made sense. They did the right thing in the end, but at that point I had already lost a lot of faith in them. I want to know why every time I asked how the baby's ticket was to be arranged for the return flight, I got a different story. I want to know that my baby will be home on Wednesday, for sure and for certain, with no glitches.
I am not allowing myself to be overwhelmed with happiness right now because I cannot let myself believe she is coming home in case she isn't. I cannot enter into the motherhood of a second child after suffering another fallout of the kind I had last week, which is likely what would happen if I got my hopes up and then she didn't come home on Wednesday. I am guarding myself from that right now. When she is in our arms I will let the happy shine on in, like the sunshine on my dining room floor, illuminating all of the good things that are yet to come. But right now I am just trying to get through the next 2 1/2 days.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
My Relief Outweighs My Disappointment
Yesterday was a very very bad day. Today we have a new plan, one which will bring our daughter home before I could have brought her home myself, even according to the original travel plan.
Last night I finally called our agency director and she wasn't home. Talk about your anticlimactic moments. I was ready for all kinds of admonishments about it being the weekend in Korea, there was nothing she could do, I was causing problems, etc. I also sent her an e-mail in which I outlined what had happened, how sorry I was, and how we were trying to make the best plans for our family, while keeping both our US agency and Eastern in mind. When she called back the conversation that actually took place was nowhere near as difficult as the one I'd been preparing for in my head. She hadn't read my e-mail, but she suggested my mom travel alone to pick up Emma. And I cried some more.
Let me insert here that Brendan is a rock and a ballast beyond all others. As frustrated as we both were, he did not lose his cool once...even while I was practically a puddle on the floor.
Could we let my mom pick up our child? Would I forever regret that I didn't go? Would it be odd for her to introduce our daughter to us, rather than introducing her to our daughter? Would I be ok with my mom getting to meet Emma's foster mother, to seeing Korea without me? I finally called my mom, who instantly said yes without even thinking twice. And then she told me that we needed to make sure we were comfortable with that arrangement. She suggested we try to see if another couple could bring her home so there wouldn't be any regret or strange feelings. She is a good mom, a really good mom.
While Brendan and I were trying to figure out what to do, our agency director called me back. She had read my e-mail, and knew that we were very upset and torn about what would be the right thing to do. She said we had two options. We could wait for my passport to come through and then make travel arrangements (this would be at least a week from now), or we could call another family, also in the same situation, who are already planning to travel, in fact they are leaving this weekend. She left the decision in our hands, and gave us the phone number of the other couple.
After talking it over, we decided we hated the idea of calling another family and imposing on them in that way, but we could also let them know that we could travel the following week if they did not want to escort, thus offering them a way out if they truly couldn't do it. So I called them, and we imposed ourselves on complete strangers. She and her mother are generous, gracious people, who have agreed to bring Emma home on Wednesday, when they return from Korea. They're going to try to videotape her with her foster mom. I don't know how we can thank them enough for bringing a solution to three days worth of incredible anxiety. She's coming home!!!!!!!!
Yes, I am really sad that I am not going to Korea in two days. But my joy over the fact that Emma will be home on Wednesday far outweighs any sadness I feel over that loss. We'll go to Korea later on, as a family, and we will have more time then to see the country, enjoy the food, and get a real taste for the culture, rather than spending three whirlwind days with no free time. It is better this way. I have stopped shaking for the first time since Wednesday morning. I can eat again. My nerves are more intact. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers, who will not be strangers after this week. They will forever be a part of Emma's story, and a part of our family.
Thank you to the M family. Really, I have no words to tell you how grateful we are.
Last night I finally called our agency director and she wasn't home. Talk about your anticlimactic moments. I was ready for all kinds of admonishments about it being the weekend in Korea, there was nothing she could do, I was causing problems, etc. I also sent her an e-mail in which I outlined what had happened, how sorry I was, and how we were trying to make the best plans for our family, while keeping both our US agency and Eastern in mind. When she called back the conversation that actually took place was nowhere near as difficult as the one I'd been preparing for in my head. She hadn't read my e-mail, but she suggested my mom travel alone to pick up Emma. And I cried some more.
Let me insert here that Brendan is a rock and a ballast beyond all others. As frustrated as we both were, he did not lose his cool once...even while I was practically a puddle on the floor.
Could we let my mom pick up our child? Would I forever regret that I didn't go? Would it be odd for her to introduce our daughter to us, rather than introducing her to our daughter? Would I be ok with my mom getting to meet Emma's foster mother, to seeing Korea without me? I finally called my mom, who instantly said yes without even thinking twice. And then she told me that we needed to make sure we were comfortable with that arrangement. She suggested we try to see if another couple could bring her home so there wouldn't be any regret or strange feelings. She is a good mom, a really good mom.
While Brendan and I were trying to figure out what to do, our agency director called me back. She had read my e-mail, and knew that we were very upset and torn about what would be the right thing to do. She said we had two options. We could wait for my passport to come through and then make travel arrangements (this would be at least a week from now), or we could call another family, also in the same situation, who are already planning to travel, in fact they are leaving this weekend. She left the decision in our hands, and gave us the phone number of the other couple.
After talking it over, we decided we hated the idea of calling another family and imposing on them in that way, but we could also let them know that we could travel the following week if they did not want to escort, thus offering them a way out if they truly couldn't do it. So I called them, and we imposed ourselves on complete strangers. She and her mother are generous, gracious people, who have agreed to bring Emma home on Wednesday, when they return from Korea. They're going to try to videotape her with her foster mom. I don't know how we can thank them enough for bringing a solution to three days worth of incredible anxiety. She's coming home!!!!!!!!
Yes, I am really sad that I am not going to Korea in two days. But my joy over the fact that Emma will be home on Wednesday far outweighs any sadness I feel over that loss. We'll go to Korea later on, as a family, and we will have more time then to see the country, enjoy the food, and get a real taste for the culture, rather than spending three whirlwind days with no free time. It is better this way. I have stopped shaking for the first time since Wednesday morning. I can eat again. My nerves are more intact. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers, who will not be strangers after this week. They will forever be a part of Emma's story, and a part of our family.
Thank you to the M family. Really, I have no words to tell you how grateful we are.
Friday, March 16, 2007
In Which I Am NOT Going to Korea on Monday
Do you see the snow swirling about outside your window? You can blame it for my latest sadness. I am not going to Korea on Monday. My passport application did not get to the the proper people on time even though we had a guaranteed delivery of 8am this morning. Apparently they don't have a motto that begins with "Neither rain, nor wind, nor sleet, nor snow...", and when the flakes started to fly they weren't able to get my package to Mr. Visa until after 10:00 am. His standing appointment with the office that issues passports is at 10:00am, so no passport for me.
And when Mr. Visa did get my package, he noticed that it did not have the proper seal across the envelope. Do you recall Grumpy County Clerk? As she was lecturing me endlessly about not breaking the seal of the envelope (which I thought was the seal she had to lick, you know, to close the envelope) she forgot to actually attach the seal. The all important seal which, if not attached, will keep you from being able to get a passport.[insert foul language here]
Our flights have been canceled (with a hefty fee, I am sure) and I have no idea when I can go to get Emma.
I am currently afraid to call our agency director because she was, shall we say, not so kind the last time I talked to her. I am waiting for my agency social worker to call me back with guidance and a voice of reason. In the meantime I am crying. That is my plan for the evening. Oh, and I sent Brendan to the store for potato chips and dip, my current favorite coping mechanism.
And when Mr. Visa did get my package, he noticed that it did not have the proper seal across the envelope. Do you recall Grumpy County Clerk? As she was lecturing me endlessly about not breaking the seal of the envelope (which I thought was the seal she had to lick, you know, to close the envelope) she forgot to actually attach the seal. The all important seal which, if not attached, will keep you from being able to get a passport.[insert foul language here]
Our flights have been canceled (with a hefty fee, I am sure) and I have no idea when I can go to get Emma.
I am currently afraid to call our agency director because she was, shall we say, not so kind the last time I talked to her. I am waiting for my agency social worker to call me back with guidance and a voice of reason. In the meantime I am crying. That is my plan for the evening. Oh, and I sent Brendan to the store for potato chips and dip, my current favorite coping mechanism.
The Details, As I Know Them
The past two days have been a whirlwind of emotion, planning, panicking, running around getting documents signed, and crying. Yes, I am a bit on the weepy side...I think it's my body's reaction to stress. Tears just slide down my face as though a faucet has been turned on, and my throat clenches up, making it impossible to speak. What a pain in the you-know-what.
Just so you know, it is possible to get a passport REALLY fast, if you need one. But it'll cost you. Please let's all focus our positive energy on getting my passport into my hands in time for my flight on Monday.
When we got our travel call on Wednesday, I had no passport. Brendan has no passport. World traveler's we are not. I had one way back in high school for trips to Spain and Bermuda, but since then I haven't needed one. Let me just say that if you are adopting you should get a passport, even if you plan on having the baby escorted. You just should, so you don't have to deal with Grumpy County Clerk and Lazy Unhelpful Postal Worker at the eleventh hour before departure on possibly the most important trip of your life. Consider yourself warned.
All of the stress and planning and panicking aside, though, I am so EXCITED to be going to KOREA!!!!!!! To pick up our daughter!!!!! Wooo hoooo!
Brendan is staying home with Harry, because he is the best Dad in the world and wants to be sure our little man is well prepared for the onset of a little sister. We both hate to think of leaving him for four days and then coming home with a baby. I think he would feel very displaced if that happened. Also, the very thought of taking Harry to Korea right now, under such short notice and drastic change of plans, leaves me quaking. The flight is 15 hours. 15 HOURS! Of bored, unhappy, confined Harry. I start to sweat just thinking about it. His normal state of constant motion would not be appreciated by the other passengers, I am sure. We'll take him to Korea, just not right now. Plus, Brendan is terrified of flying. He'll not thank me for telling you that but it is the truth. He has not flown in many years, and we are thinking that a 15 hour flight is not the way to jump back into the game. We have asked my mom to travel with me, as she has been all over the world on business trips, and can navigate an airport without losing her cool. I am really excited to share this trip with her...there is something special about going to pick up my daughter with my mom.
So, our passports should be here on Saturday or Sunday (please please please). I booked our flights today. We'll fly Albany to Atlanta, Atlanta to Seoul on Monday, arriving Tuesday. Wednesday we will meet Emma and her foster mom for about an hour, then we'll meet with the Dr.s Kim (Directors of Eastern) to give them our donation...I still have to figure out how much this should be. Then in the afternoon on Wednesday we will go to the office at Eastern and pick up Emma's passport and visa. Thursday morning, early (7ish) we will meet with Emma and her foster mother again, and Emma will be placed in our care. Our flight leaves Seoul at 11:00am, with a layover DC where we'll go through immigration, then on to Albany, arriving at around 1:50pm. Five days until I meet my daughter, six until she comes home for good!!!!!!!! There is also a chance that we might get to meet Harrison's foster mother, and I am beside myself with hope that we can. I have looked at her picture every day for almost two years, saying a silent thank you and prayers for her family each time. To meet her would be amazing, and I just don't have any idea what to say or ask.
We won't have very much time to sight see or shop, only our evenings and afternoons look like they are free. It's going to be a very quick trip...wish we had more time to see Korea itself, but we'll be very happy just to be there at all, and especially happy to see Emma. Questions:
What should we ask her foster mom? Gift ideas for her?
Gift for Harry's foster mom? What to ask her?
Where to eat? I want to eat Korean food, not American. bibimbap, bulgogi, mandu, kalbi, any of these will do. Suggestions for restaurants within close proximity to Eastern would be great!
Shopping. I don't even know where to begin. I would like to bring home some tea (we drink tea as though it were water, and this would be a nice treat for Brendan). I would love a tea set, something for Harry and Emma, and perhaps even some art? I have no idea what to expect.
What is an average donation to Eastern? I understand that it can be whatever we can afford, as it is a gesture or tradition, but I'd like to have a ballpark idea of what is normal. Also, what form should it take? Check? Cash? Money order? I am feeling clueless. Do I put it in an envelope?
Are there hairdryers at the guest house, as there would be in a hotel? Or do I need to pack one?
OK, this list is getting too long. If I continue I will start to panic, and that would not be good. Thank goodness for Brendan...he is such a good, good, good person, and such a wonderful husband...for encouraging me to take on this adventure, for being willing to stay behind with Harry, for telling me it will all work out when I cry and panic, and for loving me despite my mood swings this week. And Harry has been a trooper, too, although I think he has watched more TV in the past three days than in the three months previous. Oh well. I never said I was a supermom.
Just so you know, it is possible to get a passport REALLY fast, if you need one. But it'll cost you. Please let's all focus our positive energy on getting my passport into my hands in time for my flight on Monday.
When we got our travel call on Wednesday, I had no passport. Brendan has no passport. World traveler's we are not. I had one way back in high school for trips to Spain and Bermuda, but since then I haven't needed one. Let me just say that if you are adopting you should get a passport, even if you plan on having the baby escorted. You just should, so you don't have to deal with Grumpy County Clerk and Lazy Unhelpful Postal Worker at the eleventh hour before departure on possibly the most important trip of your life. Consider yourself warned.
All of the stress and planning and panicking aside, though, I am so EXCITED to be going to KOREA!!!!!!! To pick up our daughter!!!!! Wooo hoooo!
Brendan is staying home with Harry, because he is the best Dad in the world and wants to be sure our little man is well prepared for the onset of a little sister. We both hate to think of leaving him for four days and then coming home with a baby. I think he would feel very displaced if that happened. Also, the very thought of taking Harry to Korea right now, under such short notice and drastic change of plans, leaves me quaking. The flight is 15 hours. 15 HOURS! Of bored, unhappy, confined Harry. I start to sweat just thinking about it. His normal state of constant motion would not be appreciated by the other passengers, I am sure. We'll take him to Korea, just not right now. Plus, Brendan is terrified of flying. He'll not thank me for telling you that but it is the truth. He has not flown in many years, and we are thinking that a 15 hour flight is not the way to jump back into the game. We have asked my mom to travel with me, as she has been all over the world on business trips, and can navigate an airport without losing her cool. I am really excited to share this trip with her...there is something special about going to pick up my daughter with my mom.
So, our passports should be here on Saturday or Sunday (please please please). I booked our flights today. We'll fly Albany to Atlanta, Atlanta to Seoul on Monday, arriving Tuesday. Wednesday we will meet Emma and her foster mom for about an hour, then we'll meet with the Dr.s Kim (Directors of Eastern) to give them our donation...I still have to figure out how much this should be. Then in the afternoon on Wednesday we will go to the office at Eastern and pick up Emma's passport and visa. Thursday morning, early (7ish) we will meet with Emma and her foster mother again, and Emma will be placed in our care. Our flight leaves Seoul at 11:00am, with a layover DC where we'll go through immigration, then on to Albany, arriving at around 1:50pm. Five days until I meet my daughter, six until she comes home for good!!!!!!!! There is also a chance that we might get to meet Harrison's foster mother, and I am beside myself with hope that we can. I have looked at her picture every day for almost two years, saying a silent thank you and prayers for her family each time. To meet her would be amazing, and I just don't have any idea what to say or ask.
We won't have very much time to sight see or shop, only our evenings and afternoons look like they are free. It's going to be a very quick trip...wish we had more time to see Korea itself, but we'll be very happy just to be there at all, and especially happy to see Emma. Questions:
What should we ask her foster mom? Gift ideas for her?
Gift for Harry's foster mom? What to ask her?
Where to eat? I want to eat Korean food, not American. bibimbap, bulgogi, mandu, kalbi, any of these will do. Suggestions for restaurants within close proximity to Eastern would be great!
Shopping. I don't even know where to begin. I would like to bring home some tea (we drink tea as though it were water, and this would be a nice treat for Brendan). I would love a tea set, something for Harry and Emma, and perhaps even some art? I have no idea what to expect.
What is an average donation to Eastern? I understand that it can be whatever we can afford, as it is a gesture or tradition, but I'd like to have a ballpark idea of what is normal. Also, what form should it take? Check? Cash? Money order? I am feeling clueless. Do I put it in an envelope?
Are there hairdryers at the guest house, as there would be in a hotel? Or do I need to pack one?
OK, this list is getting too long. If I continue I will start to panic, and that would not be good. Thank goodness for Brendan...he is such a good, good, good person, and such a wonderful husband...for encouraging me to take on this adventure, for being willing to stay behind with Harry, for telling me it will all work out when I cry and panic, and for loving me despite my mood swings this week. And Harry has been a trooper, too, although I think he has watched more TV in the past three days than in the three months previous. Oh well. I never said I was a supermom.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
A clarification
I realize now that I may not have explained the escort situation very clearly, so let me clarify. Our agency works with Eastern Social Welfare Service (ESWS) in Korea. For the past 30 years our agency in the US has not offered travel as an option for its adopting families. They are a very small agency and just do not have the staff to help families arrange for travel to Korea. ESWS works with many agencies in the US and other countries, and I do not know if this issue is specific to our US agency or to Eastern as a whole.
ESWS arranges for the escort of children whose parents cannot travel to bring them home, but in recent months they have had trouble arranging for travel to NYC specifically. It seems that Northwest Airlines has the least expensive airfare to NYC, but flies into La Guardia after a layover stop in another city for passengers to go through immigration. ESWS used to arrange travel for escorts using Korean Air with a direct flight into JFK where the escort/baby could go through immigration, but Korean Air is apparently very expensive now. From what I understand, they are having trouble finding escorts who are willing to deal with the addition of several extra hours of travel with an infant in tow.
Because Emma has been ready to go for awhile now, and there are no prospective escorts to NYC for the foreseeable future, our agency has decided to bend their own rules and let us travel to pick our babies up. There are four other families in this same situation; three families have decided to travel, and one of those families will be escorting the fourth family's daughter home.
We tried all different options with our agency to see if we could change the city of destination, pay the difference for airfare for the escort to travel on Korean Air, etc., but we have been told that those are not options at this time. So, I am going to Korea, hopefully with my mom, on Monday. See next post for details.
ESWS arranges for the escort of children whose parents cannot travel to bring them home, but in recent months they have had trouble arranging for travel to NYC specifically. It seems that Northwest Airlines has the least expensive airfare to NYC, but flies into La Guardia after a layover stop in another city for passengers to go through immigration. ESWS used to arrange travel for escorts using Korean Air with a direct flight into JFK where the escort/baby could go through immigration, but Korean Air is apparently very expensive now. From what I understand, they are having trouble finding escorts who are willing to deal with the addition of several extra hours of travel with an infant in tow.
Because Emma has been ready to go for awhile now, and there are no prospective escorts to NYC for the foreseeable future, our agency has decided to bend their own rules and let us travel to pick our babies up. There are four other families in this same situation; three families have decided to travel, and one of those families will be escorting the fourth family's daughter home.
We tried all different options with our agency to see if we could change the city of destination, pay the difference for airfare for the escort to travel on Korean Air, etc., but we have been told that those are not options at this time. So, I am going to Korea, hopefully with my mom, on Monday. See next post for details.
Change of Plans
So, we sort of got a travel call yesterday! Our agency director called and let us know that Emma has been ready to go for awhile now, but they have been unable to find escorts willing to fly into JFK on Northwest airlines, which apparently Eastern, the agency in Korea that we work with, has started using instead of Korean Air. Flying on Northwest into NYC is a pain for travelers because they have to go through immigration in another city, as there are no direct flights into JFK on Northwest, only La Guardia.
Long story short: I am going to Korea next week. To get our girl. Holy moly!!!!! More details to follow, but right now I have to go get an emergency passport.
Long story short: I am going to Korea next week. To get our girl. Holy moly!!!!! More details to follow, but right now I have to go get an emergency passport.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Not So Adaptable, And Harry
A long time ago, when I was a Girl Scout with a mouth full of braces, I went to Canoe Camp during the summer. The first year I went it rained torrentially every single day as a result of a major storm's remains blowing through the Adirondacks. Needless to say, we didn't do very much canoeing, as the small, normally serene lake on which the camp was hosted was covered with swells and whitecaps. At the end of a very long week in which crafts, card games, and tie-dyed t-shirts were a poor substitute for the canoeing we were supposed to be doing, an awards ceremony announced me as the "Most Adaptable" camper. I still have the certificate and ribbon, and somewhere deep in my subconscious I guess I have always prided myself on being flexible, adaptable, able to bend when the situation calls for it.
But in reality, aside from Canoe Camp, I find that I am not as easy going as I would like to think I am. Sure, I can adapt to a change in weekend plans, a detour along my preferred path to the grocery store, or a sharp change in weather when I'd planned a picnic. But in the big picture of life I am not as easygoing. In the picture of adoption, in which I have no control over the arrival of a child, I find myself completely fixated on the estimations of time we were given. And now that we are past those estimations, I find myself very grumbly around the edges. I thought for sure that Emma would be here by now. That she is not here is a huge ache in my soul, and even though I want to be happy and filled with cheer about her impending arrival I instead find myself feeling very sad.
Our friends have a baby, Isabelle, who is three weeks younger than Emma, and I can't see them right now. I can't hold their daughter, I can't mentally note how much she has grown and changed since the last time I saw her mere weeks ago because then my brain will have to also take note of all the changes and nuances in character that Emma has undergone, and how much she must have grown since those last pictures in December. Some days I feel like my heart is breaking in metered increments, one notch for every day that goes by until she is here, and if I were to see Isabelle it might just break for good. I eye the calendar on the wall and watch as the days get closer and closer to Emma's 7 month mark. Brendan and I are both acutely aware that with Harry's adoption, we'd already had him for a month by the time he was Emma's current age. We don't quite know what to do with ourselves, or how to deal with the nervous energy that fills our home.
Lest you think our only focus is the baby-to-be, let me give you a little snippet of Harrison. My God, what a kid! To say he is talking is a gross understatement. More aptly put, he is questioning, demanding, explaining, counting, singing, telling stories, and playing word games. I don't actually know how to explain what a character he is; he is the embodiment of joy, energy, spirit, enthusiasm, and kindness. He is also mischievous, funny, and a jokester.
When we walk down the sidewalk in Saratoga he waves at strangers and greets them all in kind, only disrupting his fanfare when he sees a dog. Dogs are top notch in his book, and he practically squeals with delight whenever he sees one. Puppies are even better than dogs.
His singing is beyond cute. If he had an Ipod, his most played song would be Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, which he learned from a music box leftover from my childhood. "Claus is commmiiing......to tooooowwwwwn!" he sings every night after we tuck him in. I don't think he really knows what or who Santa is, but he sure loves that song. The ABC song is a close second, with favorite letter being W, closely followed by the MNOP sequence.
"Helping You" is Harry's favorite pastime, no matter what task you have set about to complete. He stirs the food when we're cooking, he has his own dustrag when we clean, and he MUST help shovel when it snows. He is a good little helper most of the time, and we appreciate his enthusiasm even if it does take two to three times as long to get anything done.
He is fascinated with my knitting needles, yarn, and anything I've made. He carries around little clipped ends of yarn, his "fuzzies", in an empty parsley can I gave him. He keeps track of them and notices when they are missing. "Oh no! Fuzzy all gone! Where'd they go?" he repeats until I either find the one he's lost or give him some new ones.
And finally. when he learned it was my birthday today (30) he said "Morning, Mommy. Happy to you!"
But in reality, aside from Canoe Camp, I find that I am not as easy going as I would like to think I am. Sure, I can adapt to a change in weekend plans, a detour along my preferred path to the grocery store, or a sharp change in weather when I'd planned a picnic. But in the big picture of life I am not as easygoing. In the picture of adoption, in which I have no control over the arrival of a child, I find myself completely fixated on the estimations of time we were given. And now that we are past those estimations, I find myself very grumbly around the edges. I thought for sure that Emma would be here by now. That she is not here is a huge ache in my soul, and even though I want to be happy and filled with cheer about her impending arrival I instead find myself feeling very sad.
Our friends have a baby, Isabelle, who is three weeks younger than Emma, and I can't see them right now. I can't hold their daughter, I can't mentally note how much she has grown and changed since the last time I saw her mere weeks ago because then my brain will have to also take note of all the changes and nuances in character that Emma has undergone, and how much she must have grown since those last pictures in December. Some days I feel like my heart is breaking in metered increments, one notch for every day that goes by until she is here, and if I were to see Isabelle it might just break for good. I eye the calendar on the wall and watch as the days get closer and closer to Emma's 7 month mark. Brendan and I are both acutely aware that with Harry's adoption, we'd already had him for a month by the time he was Emma's current age. We don't quite know what to do with ourselves, or how to deal with the nervous energy that fills our home.
Lest you think our only focus is the baby-to-be, let me give you a little snippet of Harrison. My God, what a kid! To say he is talking is a gross understatement. More aptly put, he is questioning, demanding, explaining, counting, singing, telling stories, and playing word games. I don't actually know how to explain what a character he is; he is the embodiment of joy, energy, spirit, enthusiasm, and kindness. He is also mischievous, funny, and a jokester.
When we walk down the sidewalk in Saratoga he waves at strangers and greets them all in kind, only disrupting his fanfare when he sees a dog. Dogs are top notch in his book, and he practically squeals with delight whenever he sees one. Puppies are even better than dogs.
His singing is beyond cute. If he had an Ipod, his most played song would be Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, which he learned from a music box leftover from my childhood. "Claus is commmiiing......to tooooowwwwwn!" he sings every night after we tuck him in. I don't think he really knows what or who Santa is, but he sure loves that song. The ABC song is a close second, with favorite letter being W, closely followed by the MNOP sequence.
"Helping You" is Harry's favorite pastime, no matter what task you have set about to complete. He stirs the food when we're cooking, he has his own dustrag when we clean, and he MUST help shovel when it snows. He is a good little helper most of the time, and we appreciate his enthusiasm even if it does take two to three times as long to get anything done.
He is fascinated with my knitting needles, yarn, and anything I've made. He carries around little clipped ends of yarn, his "fuzzies", in an empty parsley can I gave him. He keeps track of them and notices when they are missing. "Oh no! Fuzzy all gone! Where'd they go?" he repeats until I either find the one he's lost or give him some new ones.
And finally. when he learned it was my birthday today (30) he said "Morning, Mommy. Happy to you!"
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Tracfone, I hate you.
It is 10:36 am, the time of day we are most likely to receive our travel call.
And the phone rings.
Don't get your hopes up, I tell myself as I prepare to walk across the room to the ringing phone. Keep your cool, it's probably not them.
I calmly cross the room, carefully avoiding the wagging dog tails. Even they can sense the abrupt onset of tension in the air. I reach for the phone and see the caller id. Unknown caller, it reads. My heart is an audible thud thud thud in my chest as I answer the phone.
Hello? Hello? Heelllooooo?
No one is on the other end when I pick up, but then after a moment's pause a recording begins to play: "This is Tracfone Wireless. If you-" I hang up on it, my hands shaking as I replace the phone on the receiver. I don't even care what they felt they needed to tell me at 10:36 on a weekday morning.
I am just about beyond wanting to know what anyone wants when they call unless they are our agency and I apologize for this lapse in character and kindness. I am not myself right now. It is as if the very anticipation of the call has a life of its own, and I am merely a puppet on a string, dancing to the phone when it rings with blind hope and faith. When it is not THE CALL the puppeteer drops my strings and I crumple to the floor, figuratively, of course. In reality I am going through the motions, but at every moment of the day, in the back recesses of my mind, I am thinking of the baby who will be our daughter and wishing with all of my being, every single cell, that she can be here soon.
There is a reason I do not watch suspenseful movies, and a reason I do not read mysteries. I am not good at this. If this were I book I would have flipped to the last chapter already in order to find out what happens.
Also, I apologize to Christy, who called exactly one minute after Tracfone. I did not answer the phone because I could not bear to hear the disappointment in my own voice, and I did not want you to hear it, either. I will call you back this afternoon, when all chance of travel calls is gone for yet another day, and I am returned to a person I sort of recognize for a little while.
I don't know how much longer I can hold onto the word "soon" before it becomes empty of hope.
And the phone rings.
Don't get your hopes up, I tell myself as I prepare to walk across the room to the ringing phone. Keep your cool, it's probably not them.
I calmly cross the room, carefully avoiding the wagging dog tails. Even they can sense the abrupt onset of tension in the air. I reach for the phone and see the caller id. Unknown caller, it reads. My heart is an audible thud thud thud in my chest as I answer the phone.
Hello? Hello? Heelllooooo?
No one is on the other end when I pick up, but then after a moment's pause a recording begins to play: "This is Tracfone Wireless. If you-" I hang up on it, my hands shaking as I replace the phone on the receiver. I don't even care what they felt they needed to tell me at 10:36 on a weekday morning.
I am just about beyond wanting to know what anyone wants when they call unless they are our agency and I apologize for this lapse in character and kindness. I am not myself right now. It is as if the very anticipation of the call has a life of its own, and I am merely a puppet on a string, dancing to the phone when it rings with blind hope and faith. When it is not THE CALL the puppeteer drops my strings and I crumple to the floor, figuratively, of course. In reality I am going through the motions, but at every moment of the day, in the back recesses of my mind, I am thinking of the baby who will be our daughter and wishing with all of my being, every single cell, that she can be here soon.
There is a reason I do not watch suspenseful movies, and a reason I do not read mysteries. I am not good at this. If this were I book I would have flipped to the last chapter already in order to find out what happens.
Also, I apologize to Christy, who called exactly one minute after Tracfone. I did not answer the phone because I could not bear to hear the disappointment in my own voice, and I did not want you to hear it, either. I will call you back this afternoon, when all chance of travel calls is gone for yet another day, and I am returned to a person I sort of recognize for a little while.
I don't know how much longer I can hold onto the word "soon" before it becomes empty of hope.
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