When I was in high school and first learning to race in alpine skiing, my mother told me that if I wanted to be a better skier I should ski with people who were better skiers than me. She was right. Skiing with those more advanced in skill, I was forced to push through my confort zones, forced to be faster, sharper, and more on top of my game. (I also got hurt more, but that's beside the point).
I think my mother's advice rings true for all sorts of things in life, and with that in mind I have been using my time away to surround myself (figuratively) with people who know more, do more, and have something more to say about it all. I have been reading the blogs of some adult Korean adoptess and I find myself humbled by the number of things I never even considered before, and since, Harry came home. I've been reading the blogs of some birthmothers and I am again humbled by their experiences and emotions. All of this in an effort to not screw up this amazingly difficult job that is parenting, and to make sure that Harry knows the value of his culture, the value of his story, and the value of his first parents.
So I am spending a lot of time thinking, learning, and reconstructing my views (and also getting a little hurt because it's not easy material to read, but it is important nonetheless). At some point I am going to post about the things I've learned, confess my mistakes, and hopefully move forward with a continued desire to do better. I am a firm believer in the idea that when we know better, we do better.
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For those following Grandma's health, things took a turn for the worse last week. She developed a mild bout of pneumonia (can it be deemed mild when one has emphysema?) and spent four days intubated in the ICU. Through it all she was alert and demanding...she had a pad of paper and scribbled questions, requests, and funny comments to us. The tube came out yesterday and she has been moved out of the ICU to a regular room...she looks better, but still has quite a hacking cough. We're keeping our fingers crossed that her body is as optimistic as her attitude.
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Brendan was on vacation this past week...we didn't go anywhere or do anything spectacular, but we enjoyed the peace and quiet just the same. We hired a fence company to fence in the newly expanded backyard, which should happen in about three weeks. We researched pools and poo, companies for a hopeful installation in the spring. We watched A TON of movies in the basement theater. We caught up with some friends we haven't seen in awhile (Hey, T!) who scolded me for not updating my blog. We went to a toljabee celebration for our friends' newly arrived daughter and got to see some of our friends from that social circle. Harry got his first (mildly) skinned knee, and has started talking a bit more. And I took him to the Washington County Fair, where he was not afraid of the huge cows, but rather tried to kiss one on its gigantic nose when it reached down to sniff him. And best of all, we got Harry's passport in the mail from our adoption agency, the one he entered the country with, and we were reminded once again of the amazing set of events that placed him in our arms.
Hey Sara,
ReplyDeleteGreat too see you guys finally. As for this post... I won't pretend to know what the adoption experience has been for you, nor would I speculate on what will no doubt be difficult conversations with Harry down the road, but (with me there is always a but) as an impartial observer (childless and thus not yet conditioned to think my way of raising children is best), one whose had plenty of opportunity to watch other people raise there children, and also as one whose wife gets paid to notice these sorts of things, I'll just say that you guys have got an awesome kid there, and that's no small reflection on you & B. You guys are doing an amazing job with Harry Joe, and I suspect that's what is going to matter most.